Partner left after 9 yrs - 18months on, reunited !

[AliSuddenly]

Hi Julia.. Rob! I owe you an email, I havent forgotton!! Thanks for your post.

I'm sorry, you raised this before and I havent ever explained myself very well. I agree it helps, as you point out. I did ask him if there was anything I could've done which would have stopped him coming back and he said, yes, if I had been mean to him.. so like I explained, DBing is a reaction to a breakup which helps, because it isnt the 'norm'. People (judging by the advice I got!) who get brutally dumped normally get angry, they get vengeful, they want to get even, they cut up clothes, jump up and down on cars and try and get a new bf asap to cope with the abandonment. They are bitter and hateful (all men are b*stards route) instead of forgiving and patient.. etc. DBing takes a very different approach!

I guess it also teaches you to get your confidence and self-respect back and rediscover yourself again.. to showcase yourself in the best light and remind them of what they are missing.

He didnt come back though because he noticed what I was doing, at least he said he didnt (and we did only speak twice in the last 6 months of our separation!).. he was doing the textbook 'inner journey', he said he just gradually came out of that fog of the WAS or MLCer or whatever (he said to me he felt like someone had scooped out all his brains, liquidised them, pummelled it into dough then put it back in upside down). I think thats just life and in some cases, they want you back eventually anyway.

DBing maximises your chances, but will only 'work' if they loved you all along, they just needed to work through their own issues to find that they already had everything they wanted at home (as they say in the Alchemist)