I can sure understand why things would be very hard for you, even if things were going perfectly! It sounds to me like you are doing really well. You are aware of yourself, and you seem to be able to separate the thoughts that are in your head from the things that he/you are really doing. And I think the fact that you are "feeling" that he is different is very hopeful. Of course it is a long road, and tehre is no telling if he can stick to it, or not. But, knowing what he stands to gain, I would like to think that he is pretty motivated, finally.
Watch and listen, and have a talk with your little voice now and then. Give him the opportunities he nees to show you he means what he says. Understand it weill take time, but that doesn't mean he gets a free pass.
I hope you get good news on your dad. I'm thinkng of you.
