Roller coaster weekend. I don't even care to post it all and relive Saturday morning. Basically it went from me yelling and her crying, to a godsend of a visit from her parents and a calm talk between us all. Eventually led to neither of us moving out (For now) and us agreeing to work on it for real one last time. Have to go to MC together. Instead of me just going out like I was the couple nights before, she asked me to stay for dinner and a movie at home. We watched it in the bedroom and then I retired to the guest room when it was over. Then Sunday we spent the day together going to the gym and then driving up to see her grandfather. We are being more civil now which is nice and ended up having a decent weekend together. I need to show a real and material change in myself if there is to be any hope in turning this around. My W just needs alot more love than I've been giving her and it's going to be hard to win her back. She is very different than me in that she notices every little thing and remembers it forever. Every little small gesture goes into this automatic database in her head. It's really amazing and scary at the same time and we talked about it last night a little.
Right now we are sort of in this friend zone and she has a wall up because of how neglectful I've been. I'm really just trying to be more attentive and thoughtful without overly pursuing/pressuring/smothering. It is tough and like walking the edge of of a razor. She's off today and she's been texting me and couple me a couple of times too.
I'm in a better mindset than I had been and I think it is the reason she's pinging me and wanting to talk more. I'll have to update again in a day or two after seeing where this goes. She's going to band practice tonight and said she didn't want to go but she'll see me after. Wish me luck. I need to be the me I was before work took over my life a few years ago.
Me: 30 W: 29 D: 20 months M: 5 years T: 6.5 years ILYBNILWY and want to separate: 10/5/2009
