Changing Man

[Gardener]

Steve, first off, thanks for taking the time. I will answer your questions with blunt honesty.

Firstly, how are your mediation sessions going?

We don't have much other than the proceeds of the sale of the house (est.$250k)50/50 split on that.. No savings left. After that, just belongings, possessions which we have already gone through the house and divided up to our satisfaction. I have very small vested rights (not pension) from a number of years in a big corporation. $1k/mo. It's mine unless I die and then it goes to her. She has small 401(k) which I believe is less than $200k since market tanked. I don't want any of it. It's hers. She earned it.

Secondly, does it even matter anymore if she has a boyfriend? or two? or if she's a lesbian or even a nun?

Point taken. You're so right. No, it really doesn't matter at all.

Third point, and most important. When are you going to start doing what WORKS.

I found DB six months after the bomb and tried everything, even telecoach (3 sessions). No real results at all. Re: GALing, no excuses, just facts: I am 56. I am self employed and I work alone. No co-workers, hallways full of people, lunches out, drinks after work, etc. As I got older and well-settled into a content nesting life at home with my wife, our circle of friends shrank over time. I have a number of close, married buds who have supported me. I don't drink, don't like bars and besides I don't think that women in my age bracket are in the bars and I probably wouldn't like the ones who are.**Ladies: Where are the 40-50 year old women to be found?**And lately I've been spending evenings and all my weekends getting some work done on the house for when it is shown. In a few weeks I start my off-season job which will be 7:00 til 7:00 6 days a week until end of January, so no real free time in the foreseeable future. I've joined a hiking group. Other than that I am kind of stumped on GALing and obtaining female company.

work in recovering a marriage at the brink of divorce. Just let her go. Who cares what she does. She is not doing good by you so why are you hanging on. Just leave her alone.

I don't want to recover the marriage any longer. I rarely see/hear from her (I never initiate) and that's fine by me. If I hang on to anything at times, I hang on to a distant memory.

Go out find yourself someone new and let her become the one pursuing you.

See above.
I have become a calmer, more centered person.Meditate daily again. Got back to resistance training, and look damn good if I do say so. I eat very well again like the "health nut" I used to be. Quit Smoking!! Got my finances under control, organized and keep them under control (I used to be almost paralyzingly intimidated by that), have re-connected with old friends and chat with strangers everywhere (a complete 180).

So, I'm not going out "to find" women, just kind living my life and gonna see who shows up.

Thanks again, Steve. Hope I answered without over-answering.
Your thoughts?