Just want my H back

[pearlharbr]

Hi hhh

Just saw your update, thought I'd stop in.

I still felt attracted to him and a deep tenderness for this man that is still technically my husband, a lot of nostalgia and sadness about giving away the past/our memories...I still wish he'd want to give us another shot but I'm definitely at a point where I realize I cannot make him do anything. I cannot make him love me or be my husband if he no longer wants to...but it still hurts.

First of all, it's going to hurt and it's going to be hard for awhile. You're doing a good job, just keep up the work. No, you cannot make him do anything. Continue to focus on yourself and make your life what you want it to be.

Nostalgia is a strong emotion and I understand that it colors how you see the present. I've been with BF for nine years, that's a lot of memories and shared experiences. I'm struggling with if what he is doing now is good enough for me or if I'm just holding on because life is comfortable and familiar. Change is scary but sometimes it is for the best, we just can't see it yet.

My advice to you would be to spend some time visualizing what your ideal life would look like without your H in the picture. Focus on that picture and do whatever it takes to make it a reality.

Are you staying back east because you really want to or just because you're waiting around for H to come to his senses? If he feels that you're still there for him he won't truly feel the loss of you.

I would also recommend staying dark. I think you're experiencing an emotional response to seeing him after a long time. Don't start pursuing behaviors now, keep on your own path and let him walk his.