Well, I thought that I was trying to have a good time! I was really surprised to see him act like that.
Ok, I can see how he may be reluctant to get the wrong beer, but imo, he wouldn't have gone wrong if it was something dark or red. ??
We have a history of doing the same old same old: "What do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do?" He leaves planning in my court and deciding what to do. Well, I get tired of coming up with the ideas ALL of the time. He doesn't seem to have that much trouble with his friends. And yes, in the past he was afraid of suggesting the "wrong" thing, but for crying out loud, it hasn't been that way in a long time! He keeps holding all of this stuff over my head. So, I started making it a game. If I name 3 restaurants and none of them appeal to him, then he has to name 3 resaurants, etc. And, yes, he was right, he did not shoot down all of my ideas, and that was harsh on my part. I could have said, "ok I understand that you don't feel like seeing a movie..., so that leaves the bookstore and Playing pool..."
He was huffy in that he was looking mad and kind of stormed off to the bar.
Sage says: what if instead of asking him "why he got all pissy" you told him thanks for the beer and "I'm sorry that got so confusing! I'll try to be more direct next time"
Yeah, that sounds a lot nicer, but did he have to act like that?? I feel like my typical response is to accept blame for everything that goes wrong in our M. But, then again, I blame him a lot too. (So, he thinks it's always his fault, I think it's always mine.)
I'm sorry. I guess I'm feeling defensive still.
Sage says: One of the things I've learned in my m. is that h was often uncomfortable making decisions for me (even if I asked him to) because I often made him feel as though he couldn't win. --this is definitely my h, but I feel that things have changed, and how long can he act like that is the case???
Yes, I am mad. No, it won't bring me closer to him. BUt I don't feel like I should grovel!! I always end up begging for forgiveness, etc.
I think the best thing to do is to just let it go and as you said, dust off the "as if" hat. So, I suppose now, HE will be distant from me for a while. Should I apologize for my response to him? I dont' know what will bring us closer right now. Whenever there is an altercation, he wants space and I want to be close. Maybe by tonight it will be blown over. I feel like I am trying, but I continue to be mad at him for not being more supportive over my migraine issues. I feel lonely...
