I don't want my marriage to be over, but I don't know how much more of this I can take.

DH is a workaholic, and essentially living the life of a single dad. He works and works, until all he has left is a little energy and time left at night to give to the kids. It's as if I'm wallpaper. He doesn't have time to stop and talk. If he weren't married, he's the kind of guy who one would say just doesn't have time for a relationship. Except he is married, for 18 years, to me.

Our sex life is non-existent. For years, I got around his 'I'm too tired' by staying up an hour or two after he'd gone to bed, then waking him up with sexual advances, because all he really needed was some rest first. However, eventually he began to participate less and less, and the last time I did that, 18 months ago, he barely even bothered to touch me, instead just laying on his back as I took care of myself on him. It was humiliating. I told myself I'd never do that again--the next time we did it he would have to initiate. Well, guess what--18 months later he still hasn't. His equipment is functional, he just doesn't want to use it. His testosterone has been tested and is fine.

I have told him over and over how important physical intimacy is to me. I don't feel emotionally connected without it. I need it. And he says "I hear what you're saying" but he does nothing about it.

He says he wants to be married, and he admits (his words) he's a lousy husband. He's in therapy to find out what his problem is, except he can't find time to go more than every few weeks. In the meantime, I cry at night.

He and his therapist so busy exploring his feelings--exploring why the house is on fire in the analogy I like to use--that there will be nothing but ashes left by the time they are ready to address the crisis of our current situation.

I never, ever, thought it could come to this. I never would have had 4 children with a man I had less than 100% loyalty to and confidence in. But in the 5 years since his mother died, he has steadily pulled away until I'm driven to this point.

He says it isn't about me, and that I keep making it about me. I say that maybe the problem is his, but when he treats me like I'm not even here, then it is about me. His solution, make another appointment to see his therapist. He's sorry that he's a lousy husband, he's sorry that he's "broken". He's trying to fix it. Except that he still can't reach out to me across the bed at night. I've lost 15 pounds in the last few months (on purpose). If he can't tell by looking (he can't because he doesn't see me, even in the same room) then he should be able to tell by feel. Except he doesn't touch me either.

I tried a couple of DB techniques earlier in the year, with no response. We've been to 2 MCs, the first of which did actual damage to our relationship, and the second (touchy feely) made him too uncomfortable because she wanted him to look at me while he talked about his feelings. Whenever he is asked to talk about his feelings, his response is "I don't know."

My marriage is dying. My self esteem has never been so low.

I deserve to be loved. I deserve to feel that love. I deserve to be found attractive. I deserve respect. I'm not invisible, the way I feel in front of my own husband, the one person I counted on to want me forever.

He denies that his mother was alcoholic (it was obvious to everyone else), he denies he's an adult child of an alcoholic, he denies he's a workaholic. He denies depression. I've never felt so hopeless. We don't fight. There's just nothing, except me crying, and him saying he's sorry for being broken and for being a lousy husband.

My heart is broken and I don't know how much longer I can live this way.