I had to take my son on a boyscout campout saturday night in 28 degree weather. I actually read your reply saturday night. It helped. It helps to know that you are not the only one in the world going through this. Friday night, I just wanted to curl up in a ball and you just want it all to go away. But you are right, for our kids and sanity we have to put one foot in front of the other and move on. After events like Friday, it takes me a little while to recover and act happy again.
I am still in responding with one word mode. I just don't know if she is cheating are not. I tell myself it doesn't matter, buy you know the truth, it does. I feel like she is going to be the one to make me file for divorce. It always seems like I am the one having the hard time with everything.
I always try to put little tests out to see how serious she is. We have an appointment this week with a therapist to talk to him about how to tell the kids. Before I made the appointment, I asked if she wanted to still make the appointment, the answer was yes.
I thought I was at that point like in your note from puppydog Tails--at least I was for a week. Then when she goes out looking like she does with her "matching underwear" and her Cougar outfit, it all just hits me again. I don't recall her wearing anything that matches that much in our marriage. Then when I read the texts to the other guy...It just shakes you to the core. I guess it is that feeling of ownership that you still have. That is my wife and all her attention is going to other guys, whether there is something physical or not. The emotion piece is there and my wife nor your husband will never understand how that hurts.
The question for both of us Gina is what's next? How much longer do we go on like this? 1 month, 3 months, 6 months? How much more of this emotional abandonment can we take before we just say enough..I know they are lost. My W even said she does get physically sick about what is happening. I was glad to hear that there is at least some guilt. I will tell you after friday, I am starting to lose faith in her soul..
You are right, our emotions are a choice. I am letting her win again. I am letting her get to me. I just miss that closeness with someone. It has been 6 months. You just start to crave it. Your mind starts to wonder what it is going to be like when you are separated and she is with someone else. I would imagine people have gone much longer with no kids to make up that love and closesness that is missing.
Keep up the work on the weight. I can only imagine how hard it is to be working on that while your world around you is falling apart. Hey I love the big mac too. One of my favorites as well...
You definitely sound more confident about what is happening at home. Almost like you are an outsider looking in through the window and able to objectively understand what is going on. I am glad we found each other gina. Much easier to talk with someone going through this at the same stage as me....
Take care and talk to you soon.
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
