My H has the same issue with commanding respect from S since he left = I also believe it is because he feels out of control. He wants more and more to control us and be the authority and give orders. From my readings, I assume it's a way for a man not to feel vulnerable, but I see it as just plain mean. I'm in the same boat you are though, that I have to encourage my S to give his father respect, so S is not in the middle. It just hurts when I feel H is too hard on him. It kills me.
