? for people who have gone to Retrouvaille

[Trixi]

That was one helluva long weekend.

We had to go to the neighboring state's session, and the 4 hour drive Friday night took over 7 due to 5(!) different accidents all the way down the I-5 corridor. The traffic lady said it was the worst day she has ever had to report on.

So, we make it there exhausted; we missed the first part of the session, but got caught up.

The next morning, we missed a wake up knock and because of this, missed breakfast. I got the dining room gal to go round up some bacon and we wolfed that down w/some yogurt. My H was VERY unhappy. VERY! It did not set a good tone for the day.

I'm not going to lie; the weekend is draining. But, I think it has something to offer that is nothing short of miraculous. If my H and I make it thru this, I would definitely want to be involved in retro somehow. The presenting couples willingness to share was really quite awesome and there were many MANY couples there that this weekend had definitely helped them turn a corner.

Honestly, I do feel like a bit of a failure that my H didn't "come to his senses" or get deeply touched. But given his indifference and how he is keeping me pushed away, I guess it's not surprising. I feel a bit like "Why am I not 'good enough' to fight for?" One of the men attending asked how I was on the way down to lunch and I said I was hanging in there and he said 'yeah, this is a tough weekend. and it takes two to make it work..' and I got really choked up and agreed and he stopped on the stairs and looked directly at me and said "He came this weekend. Remember that. He did show up." But what was discouraging for me is that the couples we spoke to, so many of the men had a light in their eyes, and hope and enthusiasm and they said they were really enjoying what they were learning. My H on the other hand, would write that he was sorry that he was being lazy in his writings; that he was tired; that he didn't like doing it; he wanted to smoke, etc. I felt shortchanged. Not always, but sometimes.

Without really explaining how the program works, I think that he got off track several times and would toss in stuff about "I don't know about the future" "I need to find a way to be enthusiastic". It was really not appropriate for the structure presented and I wish we would have gone to the presenters for some assistance.

At the end, he basically said he knew he needed to make up his mind one way or the other ("right or wrong") and stick with it. He said that he is ashamed of how he treats me; but he never apologized fully. In fact, when I pointed out that he doesn't ever say he is sorry, he said "Well, I am sorry, but I am not ready to ask for your forgiveness." It confuses me that he knows he is treating me poorly, knows what he needs to do to make it better, but instead of doing *those* things, his solution is to just get rid of me.

So, at first (near the end of the weekend) we agreed that he needed to make up his mind and I needed to demand that he treat me with respect. And this decision needed to happen REALLY soon. (Like within a couple weeks; and during that two weeks I wasn't going to see him.)Then we attended more sessions and talked to the presenters; so now the plan is that he NOT make up his mind until AFTER we do the post sessions. We agreed to our dialoguing this week and we do plan to go to the post sessions and he actually stayed over last night. (Lately he has been leaving "after" by saying that he has so much to do the next day he wants to go home. So, to stay over on a work night was actually a big deal.)

I don't know what to think/feel. I am afraid to really open up to him because I am waiting for the other shoe to fall, but then I know if I want there to be a possibility of reconciliation, I am going to have to take that risk. He basically asked me to play hard to get, and now we are going to spend the next 6 weeks trying to be more intimate. I feel torn. I so wish we would have gone when we still lived together; or even last year. But now we've become so accustomed to living apart. For a long time, (even when living together) we were living as 'married singles' and now, living apart,that is even worse.

So, for those that wonder about retro, I think it's a great program. Might have just been too late to save my marriage.