Young couple in need of help

[sumguy27]

I get another text:

W:I'm dropping the kids off thurs nite n then picking them up sunday afternoon okay?

Help? I want to respond:

What had we already agreed upon?

[Gardener]

I get another text:

W:I'm dropping the kids off thurs nite n then picking them up sunday afternoon okay?

Help? I want to respond:

What had we already agreed upon?

"No."

[sumguy27]

Got a response : y?

Wished we had PM's

I wanted to respond because we had already agreed upon week to week?


Or I kind of want to rub her face in and say" I thought you didn't need me? or I thought you were going to take them away from me for good?"

[sumguy27]

Conversation so far:

M:Y do you need 2 drop them off?

w:Hello babyshower plus so u can spend time wid them too

M:Babyshower not till sat. So y thurs night?

w:Cuz I need a break too.. fri after work I have to go look 4 a gift..if u think I'm just doing this cuz I want to go out well ur wrong. Y would I go out when I have to save for vegas duh

M:This wat u wanted remember? I didn't want this. Take them with u and no. U said u can handle this and u don't need me. Sorry I'm going 2 be busy.

w:OMG r u f**king serious?

I didn't respond after that. That's enough for today.

[sumguy27]

got a response again:

w:wateva H your only doing this on purpose..welp the kids will be waiting 4 u at ur sisters.

I know that is a bait for me to respond. I already told my family to not let her because she knows I work late that Thurs.

Not going to respond

[sumguy27]

just journaling for myself. I haven't talked with her since Monday. I get a phone call today at 2:15pm. I didn't answer. I then get a text:

Hey jus wanted to know if ur gonna take the kids the wk when I leave to vegas?

No response. I have to stay a little darker. I will respond when Im ready too. Her trip is in 2 weeks. Not going to give in I have been doing so well.

[robx]

If you've already agreed to 1 week each,
then stick to it,
have your family keep the door closed when she comes by,
tell them that even though they may want to answer and take the kids, not to do it.

Your W has to learn that if you agreed to something and she then gets to change the terms to what she is more comfortable with, she'll do this with everything.

You can say "no thank you, I'll be taking them when it's my week to take them."

"No more discussions on this, you're an adult, make it work somehow and my family is there ONLY to help me, I've already told them that I don't want them assisting you with this."

"If you need help, ask your friends & family (if she has any), otherwise, deal with it - kids are not there only when it's convenient for you. You already get a break when I have them for the week, that's your break. This week is my break, I'll have them next week at the agreed upon time."

"I'm not enabling you anymore."

"Stop contacting me, asking me to change my answer on this, I'm not going to."

[sumguy27]

Yup Rob I did advise my family to not open the door for her or answer her phone calls. I'm just tired of dealing with her crap and I don't want to fall in the trap of hers anymore. She already knows that I'm taking the kids that week. Why even ask? She was trying to be the big woman and says she is going to take them until she goes on vacation. That she doesn't need my help. Yet she calls every other day.

The only conclusion I have is to why she has called or text is like what stronger had said, to sort of check in. I'm not going to give her that satisfaction.

got another text:
i know ur avoiding me but i dont give a sh*t if u don't want them then thats fine jus let me know. Well then give me some money 4 them cuz they r ur kids too n i need money 4 them

See I never said I never wanted them. She is coming up with that conclusion herself. I don't want to respond. It sounds like she just wants to argue.

[robx]

Your response is a simple one:

"- You're right I am avoiding you,
I really don't want to be around you anymore, I'm tired of you: you're immature, boring & unattractive and I need less of that in my life.
Another thing, please don't speak for me, I want my kids, I'm their father, we arranged & you agreed to have
them 1 week each, this is your week, deal with it.
Next week when I have them I will deal with it and I won't be bothering you for help trust me.
As for money, you have money, you're saving up for a trip to vegas and you're buying a gift for a baby shower - don't bother me about money - if you can do those things, you can take care of the kids. You shouldn't of had kids if you didn't want to be a parent. Not my problem, I enjoy being a parent.

Tell the kids daddy loves them and can't wait to see them next week.

Thank you!"

- and that's it.

[robx]

and if she responds after that.... ;-)

"Look I told you I will take them next week for the week,
that's what we agreed on, I'm not changing things now because it's suddenly not convenient for you. Stop contacting me on this. I will pick them up next week. Thank you and Good Bye!"

- no cus words, no anger, just being strong & firm and standing your ground, she can't push you around if you don't let her, stop letting her. Being strong doesn't require yelling, brute force, being an a$$hole, etc.

Being strong means you can handle it, no matter what comes your way, you're going to be ok because you will make it ok. And you don't need someone who is this negative & abusive in your life - you're moving on to bigger & better things and this is her loss.

You need to believe this, make it part of your being and live this everyday.