Slept with XH, help!!

[Augtan]

I feel so blessed that so many of you care enough to respond to my cry for help. Thank you so much!!

I have no plans of using the fact that we slept together against either one of them. I plan to never bring it up again to XH, and he knows me and knows how huge it is for me to not say anything. When and if he snaps out of this MLC, he will remember all this. I am doing it for me too though, I don't want or need the drama it would cause, I don't want to be that person and even if we don't get back together, I will know that I did what I did for all the right reasons, and that makes me feel better about me. The person I was before would have never kept this to herself, and would have caused drama.

I know I will never understand what he has done and why, there is no why! My head knows this but with all he has done it still hurts my heart and I want to know how someone can think doing all he has done is acceptable. But, I now realize that due to his MLC he has no idea why he did it and cannot see how awful it is and how unacceptable what he did is in everyone else's mind. But, to wrap your mind around how this happens is hard to do, cause with the way the mind works we may never know why these MLC's happen. I do agree that the worse the childhood the worse the MLC, XH had a terrible childhood, I think I talked about it before. So, I guess I should have expected this?? I never knew anything about MLC until he started his.

What I want to know too, is am I too late? I have made so many mistakes with DBing, I just don't know if it has gone to far and it will never work no matter what. Again, I guess you never really know, but is there anything written on if there is a point where it is never going to work, that you screwed it up to many times, and there is no hope at all? If you do everything wrong because you didn't even know this all existed, is it too late to do it and have it work? I did it some, but not fully and I made many, many mistakes while I was trying to implement DBing. I cried, begged, pleaded, talked about the R, I did it all wrong till I found the books, I did it a lot less once I read DB. Just wondering if anyone has any insight on that?

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