Hijack Alert, Steve McQueen and Puppy. With no proof and no signs (she lives 7 miles away now) I still never shook the gut feeling that my wife was/is having an affair. 3 Months phone records from PI showed nothing. PI says next step is PI attaching GPS to wife's car for one week ($) or surveillance ($$$). If either of you would care to look at my first thread ("Jumping in (first post") and some of my initial sitch descriptions and give me your take, I would be very grateful. Also, tips on safe snooping would be appreciated. End Hijack Alert
Sure, I will hit on this one.
Firstly, how are your mediation sessions going? Do you feel you are getting the 'best possible' deal out of this divorce or are you taking the Mr. Nice Guy approach to the division of your assets, personal property, and retirement funds hoping for an improbable turn of events at the last minute? Hoping for a change of Mrs. Gardener's heart and mind because Gardener is willing to give up the farm to make her happy in the divorce? (Surely, she will appreciate it, take it, and think what a great guy, too bad the marriage didnt work out. bye.) Is that your goal?
Do you feel you will leave this marriage greatest level of financial security possible?
That should be your most important concern right now.
Secondly, does it even matter anymore if she has a boyfriend? or two? or if she's a lesbian or even a nun? She moved out of the house almost a year ago. That is a long period of time for personal growth and reflection. If she hasn't reflected and committed on the importance of coming back home and working on the marriage but rather continued to push for divorce, she has her mind made up on what SHE wants out of the rest of her life.
Third point, and most important. When are you going to start doing what WORKS. When I was at the most confused point in my marriage a group of guys 10 to 15 years younger than me took me out for drinks and an advice session. What they said was reitterated to me on this site; and what they said to me has been echoed over and over on this site to work in recovering a marriage at the brink of divorce.
Just let her go. Who cares what she does. She is not doing good by you so why are you hanging on. Just leave her alone. Go out find yourself someone new and let her become the one pursuing you. And you want to know what. IT WORKED. As soon as she realized I no longer had the time nor the care to bend over backwards to make sure she was getting what she wanted, when she wanted. She sought it out. And when I wasnt available, she pursued more. Then when she must have realized that very probably someone new was in the picture, the tune of 'I really dont need you' turned into 'I would like to do something with you.' Problem was I didnt any longer. And the longer I have held out recommiting to this relationship the more I am becoming certain she is serious about recommiting rather than just testing to see if I am a push over who was only willing to stand up for himself for a short period of time.
So, tips on safe snooping? maybe its time she starts to have to have the need to do the snooping. Get her to toe the line.
