My wife is also very ill now - and has been quite often in the past. I was rarely "there for her" over the years when she went through one medical crisis after another - severe arhtriits, brain tumor, gall bladder removal, onstart of cervical cancer which required hysterectomy.
So..now I make sure I am a great caregiver - as I would be with a friend, as suggested earlier. You can be very helpful and supportive without pursuing. Do everything because your wife needs your help without expecting anything in return. Try not to think of this as a time to be her hero and therefore save your marriage.
This is a time to be a good man and do what a good man does in a difficult situation. Regardless of the outcome of your marriage, you will be with you forever. Time to start having every reason to be proud of you.
