Given that we are living together and loving the same children and we can't get divorced and given that I am not moving out, what are your ideas on what we can do to make things better. Let's make a plan.
I have learned by experience that you can't solve anyone else's problem for them. Apparently, Mrs. T thinks this is her problem. She doesn't include you in there. As a result, your solutions fall on deaf ears. She needs to be proactive in trying to solve her problem, but she also needs to recognize that it is not solely her problem, that her problem has become your problem because it has grown big. It is about to become the children's problem too if no solutions are found soon.
