Hi KAW, thanks for welcoming me. I know I've seen your initials somewhere. Thanks a lot for the feedback!!
Last night I did a really good job. I came home and laid down for a few min's. H came in & I told him I wanted to hug him. He said, OK. He went to take a shower-he tried to call his friend to go out to dinner but didn't hear from him. I went to walk the dogs, and came back in. Got ready for vball and left earlier than my session was. I told him I didn't have to leave until 7:50, but I left at 7:10. If he asked why I was going to say to visit w/friends or whatever. I sat in my truck and read one of Sage's posts that I had printed out.
Went to vball, had a great time, went to store and had to make a cheesecake for work today. H was home, he went to din by himself and was on the computer. I just went about my business all night happy as a lark (I actually didn't have to act that much!)
**I almost forgot, H was emailing some friends including a girl that I got jealous over a few times & I just said cheerfully, "catching up w/people?" and he said yes. I guess I did feel a little j but didn't act like it. One reason I was J, and you can tell me this is silly, but he RARELY calls me by my name (something about his closest friends and family he doesn't), but he says her name a lot when she is around. And his em said "hi B..." so that did make me twinge.
However, I thought about some people on here and thought, their S's have EA's and PA's and my H DOES NOT! And, if I were to get upset and j and insecure w/him, he would have really gotten upset with me. that DEFINITELY does NOT work. Plus, it may push him closer to her, right?
I'd like to be able to go out/to parties with him and these friends and NOT get upset/j/insecure and NOT cry!! We did all go camping in July and I did not get upset! (He actually told his mother that if I did get jealous that our R would be over) (a little incentive )
So, then I got ready for bed while waiting for the cheesecake to cook. We started goofing around-wresting and tickling and stuff. I was really being silly & goofy which is ME! he seems to enjoy it...guess he enjoyed it a lot b/c he initiated ML! Wrestling makes him horny!!! Of course, I never win, and he doesn't hurt me-it's all fun.
Today my head & ears hurt like hell! It's raining so I woke up with the h.a. I've been taking Advil sinus which is seeming to not work as well anymore! I can't wait til they find out what is wrong with me and fix it! B/c I would like to continue to be in a good mood, but it's harder when I dont' feel good!
victimized-yes, I do act that way! hmmph!
Yes, I like the brick analogy, I just need to stop tearing them down once I build them up again. & yes, H does see more neg. than pos. right now and that will take time.
)
