From now on, when she asks you how you're doing, say something like "Considering all that's happened, I'm actually doing OK," or "I'm doing surprisingly well, thanks." Or "It's been hard, but I do really feel like I'm growing, and am strangely excited about my future possibilities." Although it feels good, you DON'T want to convey anything that elicits SYMPATHY from her.
I do think your wife is in one of the early stages of remorse, but there are several stages. They'll go from "I'm sorry I got caught," to "I'm sorry for ME that I've messed myself up so much," to "I'm sorry for YOU that I hurt you (but I still don't see anything wrong with what I did)," to finally a more self-aware "I'm sorry for what I did because IT WAS THE WRONG THING TO DO, on so many levels. For me, for the pain I caused my husband, for the breaking of my vows, etc."
I think she's beginning the 2nd phase, but it's still all about HER at this point. That's okay -- it's a natural progression, and she has to go thru it.
