PLEASE HELP! - About to completely LOSE IT!!!

[aflowergurlie]

Thursday - Could tell that H had already been home, packed and left before I got home from work. Was nice to have a night to myself. I find myself actually wanting/needing for him to be gone now just to allow myself some breathing room, space, and distance.

Friday - Got a phone call from H around lunchtime asking if I wanted him to get the 4-wheeler all ready to go for my weekend plans. At this point, things had been cancelled for that part of my weekend and I didn't need the 4-wheeler, so I just explained that no, plans had changed and wouldn't need it. H "Oh, ok, well I just wanted to help you out if you needed it." Me - "Thanks, I appreciate it very much but not necessary now." H - "Ok, well I'll catch up with you at some point over the weekend. (He has said this in the past before to. It always puzzles me as to why he says stuff like this because he's always gone til Monday mornings now on the weekends.) Me - "Ok, have fun, bye."

When I pulled up at home about an hour and half later, H was in driveway about to pull out. Backs up and rolls down window inquiring about the cancellation of my weekend plans. Just gave vague and brief explanation to which he got irritated and said "what's so secretive, why can't you just tell me what happened?" I said with friendly, nonchalant face "not secretive, I'm kinda bummed about it and just don't feel like explaining is all." H then came up with his own assumptions and I just smiled. Then he left.

Later, H came back home and started getting ready to leave. Saw him for brief moment in kitchen and he asked me if I had a good nap. I just smiled and gave friendly reply of yes. Then went to my room with door closed and heard H leave.

I left Friday night and stayed with friends until yesterday evening. Had a great weekend with them. NC from H.

This morning, as usual, H got home. I was in my bedroom but went out to kitchen, he was in shower when I did so we didn't cross paths. I'm curious as to why he chooses to come all the way home on Monday mornings to shower and get ready for work. It's out of the way for him and I would think much more easy for him to bring work clothes with him and shower and just go straight to work from wherever he is at. Save time as well. Oh well, no matters for me.

I am super focused on my job searching today. It is my number one goal and priority at this point to help catapult me out of here. I am excited for my future of being able to rely on myself to take care of myself and provide for myself. Self-reliance, self-determination, self-worth, self-confidence are my mantra.