And then she cried. I asked her what she was feeling when she cried and she said "Despair!". "All I feel is despair, I can't be happy in this marriage and I can't end it. We never should have gotten married"
"Why can't you end it?"
"Because if I do everything just get's worse"
Adversity - Marriage is on the rocks.
Belief- It's a no win situation, despair
Consequence - Helplessness, things will be worse if we divorce
Dispute - (ala Lotus) So what is your solution? How can I help?
Energization - action on plan
Lead right now, she's spinning and needs to be involved in a solution that you are leading on. Retro is your idea and she didn't buy in. Connect with her.
Notice how she slept in the bed when you got mysterious. You didn't get defensive when she tested you.
Quote:
That's not appropriate behavior for somebody who is supposedly working on his marriage! This vagueness isn't working! I can't sleep when you are out! You can't do that! If you go out you have to tell me where you are going!...."
So ask her, "is that a boundary that you need while we are working on our marriage?" Ask her what vagueness means to her.
Compassion allows you to see her and understand her. Boundaries are healthy for both of you right now. That being said I would still keep a little mystery about you. Can you go out for lunch since you work at home?
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
