Sweetie, stop with the excuses. Stop telling him what he feels.
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I am not saying men are stupid,
No, they are not. They can be fairly simple though(no offense to the men here). So, she's manipulating him by...listening to him (and really hearing him with the kind of ears that hear what isn't said)? By making his needs and wants important?
It's hard to show that you're doing these things (if you are) at this point b/c I'm guessing there's a communication breakdown. You can find a way that works, but it also makes you vulnerable.
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He even told our 10 yr old when he was here "your mom filed for the divorce, I didn't want it" Which I did file but only after he told me over and over he was never coming home, but I was the one who didn't want the divorce, he pushed for it.
While I keep my kids out of "our" business as much as I can. I'm not foolish enough to think they don't understand more than they've been told. However, doesn't sound like he lied. You filed. On some level you must have wanted it or why did you do it? If he was "pushing" he would have filed himself. Was he lazy and just wanted you to do it? Maybe, but the fact remains you did.
Stop talking about "breaking them up" even in your own head.
You say too much that shouldn't be said. When you feel the urge to do more damage, take a walk. A nice long one. Clear your head.
Long distance isn't any different than up close. Just less contact. When you do see and talk to him is when all the changes you are making will be evident.
My first recommendation would be own your words and actions.
