Been away for a while....I've been trudging through...day by day...I thought I was doing excellent but then a few things have happened to bring me down...I don't want to be down...but I'm sitting here at work, sick with God knows what and I'm crying..things are hitting me BAD this week...my guess is probably because I would have been married 25 yrs next Tuesday..and I'm guessing that day will be bad also...that's a milestone. I thought I'd be growing old with H but now that I won't be, it's hitting me hard.
H has pretty much moved in with same OW..they've been together over 3 years now...so I guess wedding bells will ring as soon as our divorce is final..I hate her...really I do..
Last week I went to a retreat with the seniors from the high school I work at..I do it every year..It was wonderful but I had to have H come to my home and stay with my kids..I had no choice, he was last resort and I had to...didn't want to...here's what happened...
D17 called and then texted me cause I can't use my phone during the retreat...when I did get a chance to call her back she was hysterical..she said, "mom...something really bad happened"...I said, "what"...she overheard H talking to OW...she walked up the steps and just starred at him...then called me...I felt awful for putting her in that position..she didn't want him staying with her. Again, I had no choice....so I did what I shouldn't have done and called him....I was mad but not screaming...I said to H, "do you not have any respect for your children, and can't you just be away from OW for 3 days"....I told him I realize that he has moved on and has a new life but that he should respect us enough not to do that in front of my children....he said, " Treese, I told her I was sorry if it hurt her but I can tell she misses me"...WHAT? of course it gets all turned back around to him...all about him....after a few minutes of his BS I said, "I hope I never see OW"...I cried for hours after I hung up with him...why? Cause he hurt my child....He is so far up her Azz it's not even funny...D17 went to school early the next morning cause she had been crying and said she just needed to get out of the house...went to school and texted me that she wanted to go home cause she couldn't quit crying...I let her go home...well, she went to my mom's...H did not know she went....never told him..
In all this he couldn't even take the few days off to stay with the kids...he had to work, but he can take days off for OW and her kids....blows the mind...
then we had issues again a few days later...this time I was calm and I think he hated that...I dealt with it on my own...
didn't speak to him until I texted him on Monday..my son was sick and my car brakes were grinding....I was afraid...he never responded...so I called my dad....he immediately picked up my car...I thought he was going to fix it himself but he took it in...long story short...my H had just fixed my brakes a few months ago but just put pads over top of holes in the rotors...the tech said I was lucky I didn't end up in a ditch..I cried...my dad paid to have my brakes fixed...$800...I never told H...but he put me at risk by just covering the brakes w pads....
I guess I'm sad that it's come to this...now that I realize it's not MLC...that he truly has moved on and doesnt want to be w me, it hits home and it hits hard...his parents are hitting their 50th the same time we hit our 25th..it was going to be a party....and a trip to Hawaii....now I'll never have either...I know I'm feeling sorry for myself but I guess reality had settled in...I'm about to be single....
So, Im glad I can come to vent....to write it down...
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, Never say never...you'll go to Hawaii one day and you'll enjoy it. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Your not feeling well and the anniversary looming not that far off has triggered this jag of self pity and sorrow. Do something different on your anniversary, focus on the positives in your life. You've got quite a few: parents, children, your health, a job, home, and friends. Your h has nothing but the ow and a child born out of wedlock. He's really made a mess of his life and you cannot fix him.
So, what do you do? Start looking at your glass as half full and do not expect your h to be anything but what he is right now...childish and shelfish. Just because he comes to your home, you cannot "expect" him to act like an adult and do the right thing. Your expectations are far too high for this man/child. I'm very sorry about your daughter. It's tough when a parent checks out of a marriage.
Please do not allow that man and the ow space in your head. It's quite evident he's still stuck in his childhood phase. Let go, let God. That's all you can do. Keep the focus on you and your children and do not look to your h for anything at this time.
Snodderly....thank you...I knew I could come here to get back on track...I think everything just got to me...and I really do think I'm doing much better...I try not to give them room in my head but sometimes I take a few steps backwards...that's why I come here so you can bring me back to reality...
You guys are the best...
Everything you say is right on...I can't fix him and I'm not sure I really want him fixed...he's not someone I really like right now...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I only have one little snippet of advice to add....
Your D17 is going to follow your lead. If she sees you taking this as the "end of the world", she is going to be right there with you. If she sees you strong and confident, moving forward with your life, that's the model she will follow. Sometimes you are going to have to put on you act "as if" shoes. Show her that his stupidity doesn't have to ruin your life, or hers. Because it doesn't! Keep putting one foot in from of the other, you are going to be appreciated one day. You are going to find that there are men who can actually respect women. And you can keep, and even magnify the respect of your kids.
You are a good person, with a lot of opportunity ahead of you. Take these lemons and make some lemonade!
thinking about you....so sorry your family is still going thru this mess!
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Thanks for stopping by...I'm sry you're still dealing with this crap also..
Sometimes you just wonder what's going through their heads...then I think...heck I wouldn't want to be there....
Life is short...someone I know passed away suddenly today...one minute a healthy man, the next he's gone...52...
My daughter tells me I'm the strongest person she knows and called me her hero...I must be doing something right..I raised some great kids...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Your kids do and will continue to appreciate that you never left them and all that you have done for them. I think these men are going to be very lonely in their old, old age because nobody will be around.
Yes, life is too short, and I, too, have known a few people over the summer who have passed away about my age.
It does get easier and if I may say, I do, at times, have an "I don't give a you know what" about him attitude. Other times, I really feel sorry for him. Heck, he has not seen his girls in almost four months now.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Yes, my H has not seen our oldest in months...or talked to her...so sad cause her wedding is next July...he hasn't mentioned that either..wonder if he'll even show up...
My middle daughter who is struggling the most with all this knows tomorrow would have been our 25th wedding anniversary and is worried about me...I told her I was peachy..not to worry...really I'm dying inside but want her to think I'm ok... She did tell me the other day that last week when I was gone and she got into a fight with her dad, he continues to tell her she knows nothing about relationships and how they work..he truly is nuts,., she knows more than he ever will..
I've told my H many times that he will be a lonely old man and he assures me he wont...he has OW and her children..whatever...Good Luck to him...he's lost the most precious gift you can get...his family...threw us out like old trash never to be thought of again...
I really haven't been thinking about H much except for the past few weeks...all because tomorrow is our 25th....i cried alot over the weekend..I know I shouldn't give them room in my brain but it's just what's coming up....on top of it all it's the OW's birthday...yes, ON my anniversary...guess I won't even cross his mind...really never expected to ..I hope she gets cake smashed in her face...might make her look better anyway...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
