Ups and Downs

[Energizer Bunny]

I spent Friday night out and got home at around 11:30. W came home from dinner with her GF literally as I was getting out of the car. She had S with her. (her was at the GF’s house with her kids and her husband).

W seems pretty comfortable being roommates.

Saturday morning, I asked W if she minded if I took S out for the day. She said no. I didn’t tell her of my plans, I just went. S and I met a friend of mine and his D and we went to a pumpkin festival for the day. It was fun, but still felt like something we should be doing as a family. I took lots of pictures and video. I even shared them with W when we got back home. She’s supposedly still planning on moving, but seems very comfortable with the way things are now. She swings from being buddies to being snippy frequently.

I am pulling away from her this time. I’ve felt awkward wearing my ring lately. Kind of like a needy beggar. She’s had hers off a number of times throughout this. This time since early July. I took mine off for the weekend. Nothing was said about it.

It’s still like she doesn’t get it. She still talks to me like we’re pals. When any kind of R talk comes up, she seems to feel bad about how things are, but isn’t changing her plans. She’s racked with guilt, but has an odd justification. It’s all very logical and noble to her. It’s hard to follow for me. She anger isn’t really there much any more. Not like it used to be. She’ not with the GF all of the time like she had been. It’s more of a “normal” level now. She admits to loving me and even feeling that “in love” feeling with me a couple of weeks ago. She still has to go in search of her happiness though.
S needed pictures that describe him for a school project. W asked me to help pick them out last night. It was very surreal as she was saying “I like the ones from Disney last year,” or “get a nice family one of all three of us from your cousin’s lake house.”

She can be so detached. She seems to forget where we are a lot lately. She acts like all is normal sometimes. It’s hard to go along with.

I was really distant, but friendly this weekend. I’ve finally found a good mix. I did give in and give her a hug before bed last night (I initiated). She came out of her “buddy” shell for a few minutes. She held me tight and kept holding even after I let go. I didn’t say a word. I just gave a quick smile and nod and went to bed when she let go.