Newbie.....dealing with a MLC'er....

[fisherman]

looks like my MLC'er will be hitting rock bottom a lot sooner than I thought. A whole lot sooner.

Her true rock bottom only happens when she comes to a realization and takes a look inside herself.

Not just because she is living a sub par life.

Expect nothing my friend.

[trustingfaith]

Trapt is right. I thought my H was hitting "rock bottom" at least once or twice months ago and here we still are. It is when they start looking inside and is internal and not necessarily based on external circumstances.

[Was2sad]

Drew
Your post raises a number of thoughts and concerns, for you and your son ... but not the alien so much.

The two of them are clearly acting out on the same script. They may plan to live off illegal activities, or have other jobs already, or even plan to move away together. Who knows?

Forgive me for considering some worst case worries here but you can't pretend things aren't a bit crazy. The only certainty is that she'll be creating drama for anyone around her. What kind of environment would your son be exposed to now during visitation? More importantly, does any of this begin to sound like a flight risk? When they do run out of money, would her custody rights begin to look more like a potential child support revenue stream? You are buying a house. You must be doing okay. Your son just might become more interesting to her.

Wish the best for her and who ever she may be with; but do all in your power to avoid supporting their fantasy. The further away she is, the more she may imagine she misses her son. She may start thinking if she had custody, her life would somehow be better.

Prepare. People have legally signed away custody rights for the price of a used car and a tank of gas. Start saving. Explore all legal options. And keep adoring that wonderful son.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

So, looks like my MLC'er will be hitting rock bottom a lot sooner than I thought. A whole lot sooner.

Oh...you were doing so well. And then this.

Drew,you have no idea...you cannot set your watch and warrent by anything you think makes sense. Rock bottom isn't a financial thing, its not quality of life. Rock Bottom is something in their little fluffy head, heart, twisted bit of coal of a soul.
And it is far from you to determine what that takes or when that is.

Was is correct: "Who knows?"
...

Wait a second...

I was made aware today that my MLC'er and OM decided to quit their jobs this past week.

...

How?

Did she tell you...or do you have contacts at her job?

You know...I'd quit a job if I had an MLC and had someone informing on me to my wife.

I'm just saying.

[drewnole]

I think they both panicked and quit. From what I understand, they both quit in the middle of the work day.

I have a few contacts there. I have restrained myself from talking to them about it.

The person who told me was my mother. Someone who attends her church told her. Once my mother found out, she called me to give me the news.

I do consider her a flight risk. That's why I contacted my attorney this morning.

I never imagined that she would leave her job. She was well liked there. She had told me that she was given a promotion more than a month ago.

This is more than I imagined.......

[frank_D]

Since you were thinking she has been doing drugs, maybe she was high?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

...think
...maybe

Know.

"Who knows?"

Mire yourself in uncertain possibilities.

[cat04]

Drew,

You were doing so well.

Don’t even try to guess where the rock bottom is. It isn’t worth your head space and it won’t be what you think.

My H, thought separation was going to make him happy, he isn’t happy. He thought doing this and that was going to make him happy, guess what, he is still in his pit. He is still searching.

I have see all sorts of stuff that I have thought was rock bottom, just to have him spring back into the things he thinks will fix this.

If you stay in that place too long, you will start to sink and you need to swim. For you, for your S, and believe it or not even for her.

They will do unbelievable, unthinkable things during this time. Things that yes most rational people would see as getting to the bottom. But they are not rational. They are not healthy people and are not affected in the same way. They have this uncanny ability to go up that hill again. Until they can’t anymore.

No one knows how long it will take, if they ever get there.

Just keep living for you and your S. Do not use him as a weapon or a pawn but protect him as best you can. It is really the only thing you can do now.

[drewnole]

Thank you everyone for the responses. I don't expect her to get over this soon.

I am shocked that she has given up her family and now job in her quest to find happiness.

I knew something was up when she called me on Saturday night. I found that shocking since she never calls. She only communicates via text. Since I did not answer, she left a message. She sounded drunk.

I have just have to keep moving along.

[Amy40]

Just checking in on you...

How are things?