For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[LuLu]

Oooh, I like Gardener's idea better. It's the best of both worlds!

[courts0818]

Thanks guys. At this point, I no longer think the offer is there. He's so weird. He asked if I wanted to go in a text message. I didn't respond right away bc I wanted to think about it. Then, to be sure I understood what he was asking, I replied, "You mean go out with you and *?". That probably wasn't the best thing to ask, but he was texting about a couple of different possibilities for the night and I wanted to make sure I understood. Anyway, he never answered my text and now he's here - acting like he never said anything about me going with them.

When I asked what the plan was for our DD tonight, he said he was gonna watch her until I'm home from church. Ugh...I just don't get him.

I thought about texting him from church and saying, it's fine if his mom wants to keep DD (that alone is a big 180 for me). And then I would say bc I made plans.

If his mom doesn't watch DD, then he'll know I'm sitting at home doing nothing bc I won't be home from church until 9:30pm or so. And by that time, he knows I'm not gonna go anywhere with DD.

I guess I'm in whatever mode...I probably should have just said, no thanks to begin with.

Ahhhhhh..............

[courts0818]

And he's probably mad at me bc he's missing the ND game to watch her while I'm at church. I said I would get someone else to watch her, but he showed up here around noon.

[LuLu]

Can you ask H to stay with DD later, since he's not going out after all? heehee Can you find something to do after church? Maybe just come home an hour or so later? How about a movie alone? Or is H set on leaving at 9:30pm?

And he's probably mad at me bc he's missing the ND game to watch her while I'm at church.

You don't know this. Stop mind reading.

[bluerain]

Lulus right, no mind reading here. I think that I would suggest that MIL watches DD because you and your girlfriends are going to go out after church. Then follow it up with a coy, "maybe Ill see you out!"

[courts0818]

So...while I was at church H asked if he could take DD to his parent's bc DD kept saying she wanted to go. I said that was fine and that I would be going out too.

After church, on my way to dinner and drinks with a girlfriend, H sends a text saying that is friend is buying tonight and we start texting about what we are doing. I know...I know...not the best thing to do.

Anyway, 2 of my girlfriends and I ended up meeting H and his friend. We went to 2 different bars. My friends and I had so much fun. We talked, laughed and danced. H's friend paid for everything and really us girls just entertained ourselves. My H just sat there looking like he could fall asleep. We didn't say much of anything to each other. H ended up staying at his friend's house and I went home.

So, I guess I'm back to doing what I was doing before last night. I was doing so good at detaching and showing H that I can be happy bc I'm focusing on me. Back to - no more texting, contacting him and so on.

I have no idea what my H thought of last night - but I do know he was right there to see me being fun - and that felt good to me. I was happy, funny, a little wild, had my friends cracking up and got on the dance floor like I owned it. lol

It is hard to be doing all this work on myself and H doesn't act like he notices or cares. But, I know this is about me and not him.

I was fun last night, but now I'm back on track. And I'm proud that I'm feel pretty good tonight - I had been dreading this weekend for a long time. Since this weekend marks 1 yr since H has moved out (which is still soooooo hard to beleive), I'm glad that I went out last night and had fun and he saw it. Cause a few weeks ago - I felt very down and felt overwhelmed by the 1 yr thing. I could have spent the weekend in tears, but I didn't and I'm happy about that.

[LuLu]

That my friend is what 180'ing is all about. It's really YOU that reaps the rewards. Trust me, he notices. He's just not saying anything.

I'm so glad you got to go out and let loose! The fun Court got to go out and play. It's been too long I am so proud of you!

I'm sorry about the 1yr anniversary but it sounds like you are handling it okay. Keep on DB'ing because it is doing wonders for you.

[courts0818]

On Monday, H sent me a text asking if I was still going to NY. I was a little surprised that he even remebered me telling him about it. But, we have the plans worked out. When I said, "we" - in reference to the friend that I'm going with, right away he asked who I was going with. And later he texted me a few times saying that he wanted my friend to drive. So I finally asked why he kept saying that - he said he wanted to be sure that's who I was going with and then he put "lmao" in his text. I guess he was just kidding - but maybe, just maybe...I have him thinking a little bit. I don't know - he sure doesn't act like he cares about me, what I'm doing, who I'm taking to, etc.

One thing he has to notice is that I'm being happy and getting out of the house bc I've been doing a lot of that. And I guess it really doesn't matter - but I sort of thought about Saturday night. I'm sure it was his friend that encouraged him to invite me. His friend is crazy and always tells my H he wants to get with me. H takes it all as jokes. Anyway, if my H really didn't want me to go, I don't think he would have put the invite out there.

Regardless...my H's actions still show that he is focused on himself and not interested in saving our marriage. So, I'm focused on me, 180s and GAL. What else can I do, besides pray? Nothing that I know of.

Okay, just a short update. I'm getting ready to DD to a playground. It's supposed to be nice and warm today. Yay!

[LuLu]

You know if H did not want you to go, you would not have been sitting there. He could have easily taken control of that. You were invited. That's huge.

And no, not just maybe, but yes, he was JEALOUS! Keep playing that card. I'm curious to know how you answered. Were you mysterious? Or did you let the cat out of the bag?

[courts0818]

I was not mysterious. Since we were talking about DD and the plans and everything, I was honest. Hum...maybe I should have made him wonder a little more? IDK that it matters. Me going is such a huge 180, that was a big enough shocker.

I really wonder what he thinks about me going. I've said lots of times before how much I wanted to visit BFF, but it never happened. It is so not like me to take a little vacation like this.