A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Lotus]

Maturity. So why not put in a dishwasher since he stands to inherit the house someday? (although you guys could be in your 70's before that happens).

[Dia]

We've discussed a kitchen remodel but there are issues that go beyond his mother potentially disinheriting him, such as:

1) The house dates to the 1800s, and not in a good way. There is no real foundation under most of the house. We're on post and piers.

2) The current kitchen couldn't fit a dishwasher w/o losing cabinet space which there already isn't enough of.

3) Neither the plumbing nor the electrical would be suitable for a dw.

Best case scenario - we are given control of the house either de facto or legal ownership. We do a one-wall remodel, adding a bit of space (not too much), making the space we have work better and adding an in-law unit for FIL. The house is built into a hillside, so an in-law unit could easily go under the current deck and connect to the half-basement.

[Lotus]

I understand completely. The silverware drawer in my kitchen fell apart soon after we bought the house. That necessitated a $20,000. redo of the kitchen. Of course, it was ugly then and it's beautiful now.

[Dia]

Dia takes on the Master closet!!

With H's permission, I am dragging everything out of his closet. It's stuffed to bursting with stuff he never wears, doesn't fit, is garishly ugly, etc. His mom is a thrift store shopper, so every so often piles of stuff will show up. It's perfectly good stuff, really, expect that it's wayyy too big or isn't his style. It's not the thrift store part I mind, either, it's the accumulation of stuff that just sits in a pile taking up room.

So now there are nice, neat piles on the big bed: collared golf shirts, t-shirts, turtlenecks and sweaters, outerwear jackets, button-up cloth shirts. I only counted 2 piles. 30 t-shirts. 17 golf shirts. And that's not counting anything that's folded in drawers or in the laundry. How many t-shirts does a person need, anyway?

He's agreed to whittle each pile down to about 5 items, and if he does it, it will eliminate more than half the bulk in that closet. Woo Hoo!

Then Dia can have closet space again. Yayyy!

A small house and this cussed recession have gone a long way toward helping us realize the 'less is more' philosophy.

(and having moved 4x in two years, I have already pared my own wardrobe down to similar standards.)

[Gardener]

Hey, Dia,
Just a quick note to tell you how helpful, enlightening and outright hilarious your posts have been for me. Just commented over at O'Dog's about your recent give and take with Antlers about self worth.

You are one smart, insightful and fun lady who has a very lucky husband.

Thanks for everything.

[Dia]

Thank you, Gardener. I was afraid I'd come off sounding patronizing over there, so glad to hear it went over well. I hope H agrees with you on the 'lucky' part.

It's kind of funny - in the 1.5 years of counseling, we talked precious little about my M but I've learned so much with all the other stuff we covered that it's made my skills for being in a M so much stronger. It's improved my work skills as well, and it's all about having and stating boundaries, and dealing with conflict.

In the whole issue with our accountant, she griped to the CEO that 'it wasn't fair' that she's working 80-100 hours and I'm only working 50-60 when things get hairy. Well, that's because I told the CEO point blank that while I would pitch in and work extra when there was a need, I would also set limits and push back when I needed to. And I diplomatically let the CEO know that if pushing back was a problem, this wasn't going to be a good fit employment-wise. I will also tell the CEO things like "I can't do X *and* Y by that deadline, so which one do you want?"

So as far as I'm concerned, if the accountant doesn't want to work 80 hours, all she has to do is... not do it! Fair doesn't come into it. I will not sacrifice my physical, emotional or familial health for a job. If accountant chooses to do so, that's her choice.

[girlfromoz]

Hi Dia

All still sounding wonderful. I have taken on board your cooking prowess and Friday night prepared a lovely slow cooked mediterannean lamb shank and vegetable dish with a nice wine, ran him a bath and gave him a back rub. I am keeping up with the making H feel needed and respected for what he does for the family putting in the 70+ hour weeks for us.

[orangedog]

Serious girlfomoz. That's the way to do it.

[orangedog]

Dia,
I've had to work with 80 hour a week types from time to time. Just do your own work well and don't get into comparisons. Life is a balance; a wheel if you like. Work, home, self, marriage (sigh), family. Keep the wheel round.

[C-Bart]

Dia,
Just wanted to stop by and say hello. I liked the post you had regarding self worth.

Sounds like everything continues to move in the right direction with you and your M.