That sounds like a very good day. You handled it very, very well.
It's not easy, especially at first. But you have to fake it til you make it.
And, yes, I would be surprised if your W did not have some strong feelings on her drive from your house. But, as you realize, that's not the point.
And, it is completely OK to have that emotional time alone. Get it out, then clear your head. Then go have fun with your kids. Maybe run to the store and get seom things to make smores with. Build a fire with the extra leaves and make them.
I can tell you there is probably nothing better than your W seeing you play with your kids. Keep that up. From what I have learned here, that is a big one for our W's.
I will pray for you. You ARE doing the right thing. Just know that for now.
Trust me, it isn't easy for me. I've struggled and struggled not to show my true feelings. I sense she is confussed.
Of course, she has a cold too.
We interpret things the way we want to. I could be down and say that she said nothing positive, didn't want to stay when offered, etc...
However, she was polite...almost like she was feeling bad. She didn't mention divorce (though again, no reason to, she gave me the date of Wed this week to have my paperwork done, and it is). She also didn't ignore me.
Am I being a dreamer? Am I being too hopeful? Doesn't matter, I feel good for now and will enjoy my night and sleep well, and for now, that is a progress.
Well, we did something I was surprised by. We went hiking in the woods (no small feat with a 2 year old) and my oldest daughter asked if we could build a cross. Now, we only started going back to church when all this happened 50 days ago. Before that, we were regular church goers until 4 years ago.
My oldest daughter has been talking to me a lot about religion, esspecially her doubts. So this took me by surprise.
We built on, about 10 feet tall, in the woods and put it up. When I was done, I looked back and she was kneeling and praying. Wow. Talk about powerful. You don't even have to be religious to see the power in that.
Now we are building the scarecrow and will come in soon for supper.
What a good day. This has been a long time coming, now I just hope it keeps up; but I know hard days lay ahead, no matter what happens...so I will enjoy this one while I have it.
She did great! My W even asked for pictures, which I took.
I'm feeling pretty good. I honestly prayed today that I wouldsee some reason to continue, to know that this is what I was supposed to do.
My science mind is telling me that I conditioned myself to find anything to exagerate today...in an effort to feel good. It's like thinking of what you want to dream of before you fall asleep...then you dream of it.
My religious side is saying it is a sign. The fact that I have nothing terribly tangible to grab onto in regards to my interactions with my wife today has no logical reason to make me feel good, or bad. But today, because of the other little things that happened, esspecially with my oldest daughter...I feel good.
God or Endorphines, I will take it today. Tomorrow will be another day filled with ups and downs, but I will enjoy the "high" tonight.
There is something about watching a little kid get up in front of church and sing "Jesus Loves Me" that melts your heart. She is just a sponge when it comes to church and she's asking so many great questions.
My oldest D (11) is asking the same sort of tough questions I asked in 5th grade, that ultimately led to me being kicked out of confirmation classes on many occasions (the gall of a kid asking where black people came from, or why being Gay is "worse" than eatting shrimp, which are both listed as sins in Leviticas).
It's a great expereince, and I am so glad that we went back to church.
The fact that my wife seemed sad today, rather than angry, is actually secondary. But it is what is keeping me focused, and more energized to make this work...but I also know this is the week we are supposed to file for divorce.
Expect a rollercoaster of posts this week. I will thank you now, for the support I am sure you will share when I need it this week.
I emailed my FIL to let him know that I saw a little hope yesterday. I told him I wasn't sure if it was real, or just my wishful thinking.
He replied this morning that he saw the same thing. My W was much softer in her discussions with her sister (my FIL was at the table with them). She said she really appreciates me taking the kids to church. Her sister asked her a "trap" question, as my FIL put it..."How was the house when you were over there". My FIL went on to say that she could have thrown me under the bus with that question, but didn't.
Her response was: 'It looked like 3 kids lived there, just like it does when I am there'.
This is progress. I remain rooted in being patient. I remain committed to not jumping on an opportunity, but instead to maintain the status quo.
I can honestly say that I have seen improvement. I'm not in anyway ready to say I am not getting a divorce, that we are not going to file this week, etc... Just that the 'tip of the iceberg" has appeared to melt a little. For now, that is enough, and motivation to continue doing exactly what I have been doing.
Having my FIL validate my observations certainly helps.
I have not had any communications about NOT filing for divorce this week, so I am ready, almost, to do that if it comes. But I keep praying that it doesn't.
For those of you, who though anonymous, have helped me along this road to divorce...but hopefully the road to a reclaimed and new marriage with my W.
A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.
"What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered. He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed this warning :
"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is of grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."
The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."
The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."
So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap
. . . Alone . . .
that very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- the sound Of a mousetrap catching its prey.
The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it. It was a venomous snake whose tail was caught in the trap.
The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital.
When she returned home she still had a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup. So the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient:
But his wife's sickness continued. Friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.
But, alas, the farmer's wife did not get well . . . She died.
So many people came for her funeral that the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them for the funeral luncheon.
And the mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.
So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and you think it doesn't concern you, remember ---
When one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called Life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.
- REMEMBER -
EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY..
OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER FOR A REASON.
One of the best things to hold onto In this world is a FRIEND.
Today I am trying to balance my new found hope with reality...when I think realistically, I get sad...but I look for hope yet. I know there is more there than there was 48 hours ago.
I know the golden rule is that if you can convince your spouse to come back, you need to do so without being like a puppy being offered a treat. It needs to be slow, well discussed, etc...
I'm struggling with how I would respond to a request to "work" on the marriage. Certainly, this is what I want; but how do I respond. I expec that screaming "thank you, I love you so much", etc... would be wrong.
I don't know if that option will present itself, but I do want to be prepared if it does. I don't expect it anytime soon, but if it should come, I want to handle it correctly.
I'm going for a walk with the kids...then maybe I will think that through and post some ideas here for your feedback.
