She doesn't love me anymore...or does she?

[Kimmie Lee]

confused, you have been on this forum for two whole days and you are very dismissive of Puppy's observations. Why?

I think you should step back, take a deep breath, and stop talking to your w. She is very passive-aggressive so it will be difficult for you to get to any truths right now anyway. Her refusing to talk to you about how she feels about any given situation is very hostile.

And you say she's always been like that throughout your marriage? Gee, what a loving thing for a w to do to her h. Especially one who has always been supportive. You encourage her in her business, she becomes somewhat successful at it, and then turns even colder toward you? Ick!

Sad as it is, you have to face the fact that your w cannot be trusted now. You must protect yourself and stop telling her how you feel about her. It just makes you look needy and desperate.

Just detach from her as best you can. And I mean it when I say to stop talking to her. It will be a big 180 and may make her wonder what's up. You should become very mysterious to her right now. Go out and do things by yourself. It doesn't really matter what; go to a movie, bookstore, out with friends, etc. Do not give her any details about your outings either. Just be minimally polite with very short "yes" or "no" answers. DO NOT explain yourself to her. She supposedly has her own, independent life now, and so do you.

And since she wants her independence, let her pay for all of that herself. Marital assets are for MARITAL things, not for a wayward wife to indulge her childish activities without her h.

Do not leave your bed. Do not leave the house. Do not let her play the stay-at-home-mommy card to try to get custody of your daughter either. Just because she has a vagina is not a good enough reason for her to ask you to leave your home and cast you in the role of weekend dad.

You may think that what I am saying to you is a bit premature, but you can be sure that your w is light years ahead of you in the planning stages.

Get an attorney on retainer now. You don't have to file or anything, but it is a good idea to get your ducks in a row now, just in case....

[Steve McQueen]

Hey all, thanks for the thoughts. I am not discounting Puppy's thoughts and observations. It may very well be true, my concern is that I don't know what to do to find out without being busted for snooping, which I imagine would be detramental to repairing my marriage. Incidentially, I was laid off in May. My credit and finances are so shot she could only get a pre paid cell if she wanted another phone...unless OM bought it. How would I even find this out without being suspect? I appreciate you're experiences, I don't have any in this area, and I am very torn...but not blind to unpleasant possibilities either. Thanks.

Get a Job, #1 priority right now!

#2 priority get good at snooping. why would you care more about being busted snooping than possibly uncovering the truth?

[12bar]

Hi confused

Sorry you find yourself here. BTW, thanks for stopping by my thread the other day, our sitches are similar in that it seemed that me and my W had a great M until early this year when she suddenly started acting aloof and at one point told me she had no time for herself anymore. She also started doing what I think someone in a post above said. It was like me, stuff we normally did, and her normal hobbies didn't matter anymore. She developed new hobbies that involved lots of going to restaurants, and personal interest classes in other cities by herself. She also started dressing really different and in a very flashy way. She became obsessed with clothes and other beauty items and spent tons of money on this. She also began staying out very late supposedly alone at these social events.

She also developed a "friendship" with a work colleague who also had an interest in her new hobbies. Later found and inordinate amount of TM going on between them. For most of the year, my gut was increasingly telling me that something was wrong. I asked her about A and she flatly denied it. I had her cell phone on my family plan and once she realized I could see her call and text history, she immediately broke the contract and got her own plan (HUGE billowing red flag). Later she admitted to being with someone once or twice but that there was no A. She still won't admit an ongoing A and she is about to go through with S.

I, like you, do not like snooping. However, the Internet and this forum are full of examples of common A red flags. It sucks to consider this potential outcome but if you are concerned of A and don't want to snoop, evaluate your wife and see if there are a lot of major changes that she has made.

- HBH

[Gardener]

Hijack Alert,
Steve McQueen and Puppy.
With no proof and no signs (she lives 7 miles away now) I still never shook the gut feeling that my wife was/is having an affair. 3 Months phone records from PI showed nothing. PI says next step is PI attaching GPS to wife's car for one week ($) or surveillance ($$$). If either of you would care to look at my first thread ("Jumping in (first post") and some of my initial sitch descriptions and give me your take, I would be very grateful.
Also, tips on safe snooping would be appreciated.
End Hijack Alert

[Ready2Change]

confused, you have been on this forum for two whole days and you are very dismissive of Puppy's observations. Why?

I think you should step back, take a deep breath, and stop talking to your w. She is very passive-aggressive so it will be difficult for you to get to any truths right now anyway. Her refusing to talk to you about how she feels about any given situation is very hostile.

And you say she's always been like that throughout your marriage? Gee, what a loving thing for a w to do to her h. Especially one who has always been supportive. You encourage her in her business, she becomes somewhat successful at it, and then turns even colder toward you? Ick!

Sad as it is, you have to face the fact that your w cannot be trusted now. You must protect yourself and stop telling her how you feel about her. It just makes you look needy and desperate.

Just detach from her as best you can. And I mean it when I say to stop talking to her. It will be a big 180 and may make her wonder what's up. You should become very mysterious to her right now. Go out and do things by yourself. It doesn't really matter what; go to a movie, bookstore, out with friends, etc. Do not give her any details about your outings either. Just be minimally polite with very short "yes" or "no" answers. DO NOT explain yourself to her. She supposedly has her own, independent life now, and so do you.

And since she wants her independence, let her pay for all of that herself. Marital assets are for MARITAL things, not for a wayward wife to indulge her childish activities without her h.

Do not leave your bed. Do not leave the house. Do not let her play the stay-at-home-mommy card to try to get custody of your daughter either. Just because she has a vagina is not a good enough reason for her to ask you to leave your home and cast you in the role of weekend dad.

You may think that what I am saying to you is a bit premature, but you can be sure that your w is light years ahead of you in the planning stages.

Get an attorney on retainer now. You don't have to file or anything, but it is a good idea to get your ducks in a row now, just in case....

Kimmi Lee is very wise. Read this again(Several times). It is very important to be open to what others say. The more you dismiss what others say, the longer you will suffer.