Thanks Stronger. He did come by a few hours ago (first time I have seen him in over 3 months!) It was very civil. He didn't ask me about dating, just kept asking me how I was doing, etc. Sounded upbeat and happy, told him some basics of what i've been up to but not much detail. He said he was getting a bed and furniture for his new place so does not sound like he is reconsidering anything in terms of getting back together. Mentioned a couple of things he might want when I move, but he's letting me keep them while I'm here... It's like he's waiting for me to move, and I'm somewhat waiting for his next steps in terms of bringing up paperwork. I helped him pack up a couple of things, he gave me a hug, and after about 45 mins overall he left...said he'd call me later in the week and we could 'maybe grab dinner one night and talk' I know it's 'the talk'... he starts his work this week, only part time, until November. Lives in a part of town with all his business school buddies and it seems like he's still a bit in school/party mode. Who knows if that will change when he starts work..
Overall I held it together, did not fall apart when he was there or after he left. Overall I am stronger than I was a few months ago...however looking at his sitting across the room, I still felt attracted to him and a deep tenderness for this man that is still technically my husband, a lot of nostalgia and sadness about giving away the past/our memories...I still wish he'd want to give us another shot but I'm definitely at a point where I realize I cannot make him do anything. I cannot make him love me or be my husband if he no longer wants to...but it still hurts.
I am tempted to email/text just kindly "nice seeing you, good luck w the move" but feel like maybe continuing in 'dark' mode might be better...I've initially nothing across these past 3 months. I guess I'm apt to just see where the cards fall...I'm sure he'll bring up the finality sooner rather than later, and in the meantime i try to be as good and loving and kind as a person as i can be, not be a doormat, and look out for myself and my own happiness. Wish he saw that i am the same person - and better - now, but again, that's his thing, not mine.
Peace all...I'll be on here a bit more in the weeks ahead I'm sure.
How is everything w your situation, Stronger? It sounded like your H filed again (what prompted that?) recently but is not in reconcile mode again. Hope you are doing well.
