Moving merrily down the tunnel

[Augtan]

Hi! First I want to say thank you for sharing all you have. By reading this thread I think I have figured something out about my XH's MLC. When you said that you think the OP's represented a portion of their past they needed to resolve, a huge light bulb went off!!

My XH was with a very mousey, ugly, "do whatever you tell me to do, I will let you walk all over me, I have no self-esteem" girl before me. She was his HS girlfriend and she did whatever he said, he cheated on her and she took him back, he treated her like a doormat and she let him. Then, he met me...I am the exact opposite, not that I am Miss America but I am cute, I am outgoing, fun, have tons of friends, a leader, etc. He dumped her for me when we met at college my first few weeks there, he was a junior and is 3 1/2 yrs older than me. One time when he went back home and saw her, her mother told her.."he is going to marry that girl, so you better get over him." right in front of my ex. She was right, we got married a few years later. Tons has happened since then, some of it is posted on my thread "I slept with my XH" but I don't want to go into it here, this is your thread. But, the OW he is with is just like his HS girlfriend, and I think he went back to a person like that to feed his ego, make him the center of attention, and be able to do whatever he wanted without her getting upset with him. (OW has no self-respect, self-esteem or anything, he dumped her, came home to me, called her every name under the son, then she went back to him a few months later while he was still with me, hid for over a year only seeing him when he could "get away", he was still sleeping with me, spending his free time with me and the kids, and working on our marriage, she put up with being second to me for many, many months). She is so much like the HS girlfriend, not even close to good-looking, mousey, all of the things I am not. But, here is where I get my hope, he got sick of that once, it was not a challenge, she was too easy, and left her for me...I think he will do it again. I think he will get bored with her. I also think he liked the fact that he was proud to be with me, I was was an attractive personality and person, she is not even close to that. People I know who work with her says she is not a likable person and has no personality at all, she is not friendly or outgoing. So, thanks for saying all that, it made my day, I need to have extreme patience now, and that is not easy for me...but I know I can do it. I told him recently that my love for him is unconditional and always will be, but he needs to work this all out on his own. When he was up here a few days ago, we slept together and the next night at our family dinner for our S14's B-Day, we just were staring at each other in the eyes over and over at the table, I could see in his eyes he wants to come home, he wants to love us again, he is just still so deep in the MLC he doesn't know what to do to get to that point. Then, he goes home (700 miles away) and it is just easier to be with her. I saw his eyes and I have known those eyes and what they are saying for 21 years. There is hope!

Thanks again, you really helped me a lot!! I hope things are going better for you each day, it is soooo hard!! BTW don't hate the GATORS because they are the BEST!! IT'S GREAT TO BE A FLORIDA GATOR!! Sorry had to do it!!

Me-39
XH-42
M- 17 1/2 yrs T-20
D-16, S-14, D-10
MLC- started 10/06
OW discovered-7/07
seperated-9/07
back together- 12/07
moves out again-7/08
D final-5/09
find out he was with OW the whole time btwn 1/08 to now -9/09