I know, that was a big backslide for me. I think the "I've missed you part" got to me because I have missed her so much too. Not trying to make excuses, but we have moved around a bit over the years and we are very far from close friends and family. I have really felt so alone these past few months so I think it is very easy for me to cling to any ray of hope that comes along. This is going to be my biggest challenge in trying to do effective DBing but one I really have to try to get under control.
Another thing that makes this difficult is my lack of hard evidence of an "ongoing" A. All of my circumstantial evidence suggests that there is, her admitting to infidelity (although not admitting A), her hanging out with this guy earlier this year, the text messages to him that she was feeling guilty about, the fact that she is looking at apt's near where he lives and far from me and the advice from this forum that women rarely leave M unless there is someone in the wings. On the other hand, maybe, she is just exploring many options and wants the freedom to do that. In either case, bad for me and not something that will be easy for me to get past if she moves forward with S. I suppose that there is a VERY, VERY SMALL chance that she was unfaithful and it is over and now she is just confused and needs to figure things out (I know this is the most unlikely one). I just wish I had more concrete details because it would make it easier for me to confront her in a strong way.
I know that the tough love and detachment is probably the only way I am going to save our marriage. I just feel such a lack of hope right now because it is hard to imagine that letting her go and going dark is going to make her want to come back. She feels that my depression over the past couple of years has made me really negative and it is hard for me to imagine that she would want to come back to me after she gets her freedom, even though I am making progress on the depression.
I have to find some way to toughen up, get it together and implement the good advice that you are giving me. My head tells me this is the only way it is going to work but my heart keeps tripping me up.
