Doesn't she work with/for the OM? IMHO, she needs to start documenting and keeping a file. The tenor of the continued contact is crossing the line into harassment, and perhaps OM's HR department needs to know that.
Last edited by Dia; 10/16/0909:37 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
So my W brought up OM for first time (other than MC session) since she told me he was out of her life. I guess he sent her a long e-mail today with the subject line "I hate you". She said she deleted her e-mail and also the 3 voicemails he has left her today before listening to them. She has told her agency that she does not want to see him and gave the department that would have contact with him to one of her staff.
She says that he is stalking her and she wants nothing to do with him. I am sorry that she has to put up with this, but also happy she feels comfortable in opening up and sharing it with me. I really feel like confronting this guy; but still probably not a good idea.
This does not surprise me. I knew he was that kind, I just knew it, can't say why.
This is the voice of bitter experience.
Do not confront. Confronting is attention and that's what he wants. Do not feed it.
She is already doing exactly the right thing with No Contact, meaning not even reading his texts, etc. This is appropriate and healthy for her. However, I think documentation is a good thing. Do you have someone else (I don't recommend it be you) that she can fwd voicemails to or that can listen to them for her? I would say her lawyer. Can she discuss this with her lawyer and have this info sent to him?
The Gift of Fear is a good book that deals with stalker stuff.
Would you like some more resources for helping your wife handle this? Would she open to anything like that coming from you? Articles even?
Doesn't she work with/for the OM? IMHO, she needs to start documenting and keeping a file. The tenor of the continued contact is crossing the line into harassment, and perhaps OM's HR department needs to know that.
bad move, they were involved inappropriately at work, she's partly responsible for this scenario, no matter what he gets, she'll get some heat on this too.
He was in a superior position. That makes it a sexual harassment case no matter what she did. I know two people who walked away with a shitload of money from their Fortune 100 companies under the exact same scenario.
Still it varies by state. I wouldn't do anything without talking to lawyers. But ALWAYS document. Whether you end up needing it or not.
She is already doing exactly the right thing with No Contact, meaning not even reading his texts, etc. This is appropriate and healthy for her. However, I think documentation is a good thing. Do you have someone else (I don't recommend it be you) that she can fwd voicemails to or that can listen to them for her? I would say her lawyer. Can she discuss this with her lawyer and have this info sent to him?
He was in a superior position. That makes it a sexual harassment case no matter what she did. I know two people who walked away with a shitload of money from their Fortune 100 companies under the exact same scenario.
No. if she accepted his advancements, responded to them positively, or went out in a social situations that did not involve other co-workers a sexual harassment case would be null.
Sexual harassment is unwelcomed, inappropriate and continued. If she sent him a cease and desist letter, made her employers aware and he continued that would be one thing; if she flirted with him for two years and went out on dates with him behind her husbands back that is completely different.
I said I knew of two cases, both were consensual affairs, one of these people got a very high promotion that she didn't deserve as well. Relationship went south, guy got ugly about it, woman sued, woman got money. Gloria Allred, one of the foremost sexual harassment attorneys in this country was talking about it on television, if the man is in a superior position he will still be held at fault because it's not an equal power situation. You may be right about the points you made, as far as looking some definition up, but I am telling you that in those two specific cases, and these were high profile companies, the guy and the company were blamed.
I also worked WITH someone that was making out like a bandit and getting company cars, promotions, and all kinds of sh!t because of what she had going with our boss, but when she didn't want to play anymore she sued and got money. These cases didn't go to trial. Thank God because I was going to be deposed in the last example and didn't want to have anything to do with it.
I don't think tristan's wife should sue or anything! I'm just saying the fact that she was in a subordinate position DOES matter, especially because he is now harassing her for not wanting to continue the relationship. He's in deep sh!t if he keeps it up.
Documentation is important because people like her OM will smear the other person and lie their asses off. Plus it's just a matter of safety. You have to build a record of it in case it gets worse.
If she ignores him completely he will likely give up if he can't squeeze any attention out of it. But she needs to err on the side of caution.
Although I would love to get this guy in legal trouble, I do not believe W wants to get him any trouble. In our short conversation about it, she said she hates hurting people. It sounded like she deleted the e-mails and voicemails because she didn't want to know how much she is hurting him and she knew any communication harms our R.
She currently looks at the "stalking" (as her friend called it, she actually didn't call it stalking herself) as more of an annoyance than invasion of privacy. I like the idea of saving the e-mails for possible future legal action. But I am concerned more about our marriage and since she is currently doing the right thing for that, I think I will let this go for now.
By the way, he is no longer her manager. She changed jobs about a year ago.
