Thanks for the tip. I'll have to make an extremely conscientious effort for that one.
Feeling like crap today. We got into in some yesterday about money. We keep our checking accounts separate-he pays the house payment, I pay the utilities. He pays for when we eat out most of the time, and I pay for groceries. I have a lot of dr. bills and school bills and credit cards that I have yet to pay off. He has credit cards to pay off. Well, I thought I could afford to have a car payment and bought a truck. H helped me by going to Pennsylvania a couple times, and then once at home, he had to fix a couple major things. Well, I told him I wanted to sell it. He was somewhat upset b/c we had an old SUV that he just sold. Now we won't have a truck of any sort. I told him I didn't think about that a couple weeks ago and that he said the SUV was too old, so I thought he didn't want to keep it. Anyhow, I put the blame on him for not helping me with my finances and for acting like he didn't want to work on my car anymore. He said, that if I couldn't do it, he could have worked on the car or the SUV and would have understood.
He had previously agreed to put my name on his checking account, but hasn't done so and he told me he didn't want me harping on it. I said, "well, I thought you already agreed to do it, but you never use checks, so it would be a while." and he said that he was in no hurry in case we split up it would be one less thing to worry about. OUch!
First we agreed on talking for 5 min, but it ended up being more like 35, and when I blamed him, he got defensive and said it was time to stop talking.
I asked if we could snuggle, he said yes, we went to bed, but were reading not snuggling. then we put our books down and i went to him and he made a comment about sex, so we had sex! Usually after ANY altercation/confrontation/discussion, he doesn't want anything to do with me.
This morn I apologized for not being more cooperative and for blaming him. He was glad I admitted it. I said I would like to talk about money with him, but I am embarrassed, but, oc that is my prob. not his.
Anyhow, I still feel contempt for him and am still blaming him for our probs. Sometimes I wish he would act more like a "partner" and put the effort into our r. But he is waiting for me to get better before he does. so i think, How can I get better if he is not helping? I suppose that is wrong, and you all are welcome to give me the 2X4. I think that if I feel this way towards him that I should stay away from him. I'm afraid I will start something and continue to damage our r.
I love him, but I'm having a really hard time feeling like I can't do this right and that he should be "trying" more. It's supposed to just take one of us, right? And the ball is in my court. I'm feeling very discouraged right now. I'm not sure I can make these changes.
