Went Dark, What Now? (other than GAL)

[chatterbug]

MTN. That is good. I call it a parallel path. You have mourned the loss of the most important relationship in your life and instead of giving up you took the time to heal , learn and improve your life. That relationship is dead. That person you loved is no more. The person you were back then is gone.

You are moving forward in your life. Beginning to know what you want in this new life. Setting boundries and enforcing them. You have already parted ways. This is your life.

Remember from here on out. Any relationship with your wife or who ever you meet will be new. Its a parallel path that your following. If your wife wants to have a relationship with you and works hard at it. Well its up to you to determine if that is what you want. But be true to yourself. You already know that you can survive the worst thing that could ever happen to someone. You also know that you honoured your vows. You also know that you tried to save your marriage. These are stong concepts that you can take forward with you down this parallel path. There is no fork in the road. Just many paths in your life.

Also remember that one day your wife will have to mourn the loss of the OM. Then she will have to mourn the loss of you and what she did to you. How she does that is completely up to her. One hopes she has the strength that you showed. To face those mistakes and learn from them and put actions in place to improve herself.

As for the OM. I have one boundry set with my was. No relationship talks until OM is out of the picture. I need proof of that. Not words but actions. I will not have a third party involved in my life and marriage. This is the first boundry and it does not move ever. Once that is met. I may walk down that path with her. But it at least opens up other boundries that I will set for my life and my relationship.

Just remember that you are strong. And you offer the gift of choice. You know what you want. Its up to her to decide what she wants. And if those wants match yours. Then you can begin to heal together. If they do not. Then you continue to heal yourself. Either way. You win.