Thanks Optimist. Wish I would have listened better.
Last night I think I f****d up. I initially wanted to comment on how nice it was to get along & I said, "what do you think is helping?" and he said, "having a week to myself." He says that he doesn't get enough time to himself and that when we are together at home he feels like he can't go to another part of the house to do his own thing. I said, that there are times when I encourage him to do other things, like practice his guitar which he never does and always says that he needs to do more of. I said that I thought my attitude has changed and I got the old, "it's only been 1 week."
I really feel like giving up. I said that it wasn't necessarily the quantity of time that we spend together, but the quality. I said I feel like I get the scraps-he has time and energy to do fun stuff with his friends, then when he is with me, it's 2 hours here or there, and he has no energy. He said he would like to do more outings, but a lot of the time it has turned into a disaster. I say, ok, i understand, but try me. Let me know if you need space, or whatever. I said I too like to sometimes be alone and that sometimes I go into another room and he comes in after me. he says that is because usually there is something wrong.
He said he did miss me spending time away. So, what, now I'm just a lay? All this time I've wanted more sex, but I want emotions too. !! I feel like I can't stand him right now. Why is he married to me if he needs so much time to himself? I asked if he ever thinks about being separated or divorced and he nodded yes. He said that once it's over though, it's over.
I don't know what to do right now, but to go on with my life. Like Mike said, I need to expect nothing. and that really means NOTHING!! I feel like I should NEVER be around. Am I supposed to wait around until he FEELS like being around me? I've been acting happy, but a little quiet the last couple days.
He says he doesn't feel comfortable talking to me b/c I have enough going on with myself and my own probs. I say I like to listen to him-it helps get my mind off of ME.
I feel like I'm going to explode. He is out working on a car right now and I don't know what is going on later. Usually we ride bikes w/his friend and have dinner out. I asked if he wanted to go with friend himself tonight and he said, "why?" I said,just giving you the option. he said he didn't know. Well, do I just leave and do something else? What am I a f'ing dog??? I'm sorry, but this hurts and I am afraid I am going to start something.
