I'm not sorry about the 2x4s and neither is Puppy.
You know you need them; understand that it's not an act of aggression against you - we really do want to see your family put back together.
Don't be. Of course I know there's no aggression. It is just what I need.
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You haven't son. You've sent her an equivocal message. Your actions have said anything but what you have written, from where we are sat.
You are right. For the last couple months my actions have been very much not clear. She even said I was sending her mixed messages. Yesterday was the first time in a while that I felt I was acting with clarity, and I feel good about it today.
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Your W has to be to ensure she gets both her family and thrill needs met from you and OM. How well did you get on before she realised that OM couldn't/wouldn't meet all of her needs as she first believed?
My W is also extremely charming and beguiling. I have to be very careful not to mistake charming for manipulative i.e. so that my W can ensure she gets all of her needs met from me whilst taking me for a fool at the same time. I would not say the same thing about anyone else's wife on here but I know enough about my own to have arrived at this conclusion.
Please proceed with caution Future and ensure you're not on the receiving end of some very cleverly calculated smokeblowing. This is the toughest thing you will have to deal with in your life. Enforce those boundaries that you've laid down. I bitterly regret not enforcing the ones I laid down to my own W and have paid for it dearly.
My W has always known she wasn't getting everything she needs from OM, since he's so far way, so she has always been willing to take whatever she could get from me, maintaining this ridiculous line of faithfulness to OM. She thought as long as we weren't having sex, she was being faithful to OM. Funny stuff actually! I get satisfaction thinking about him so far away, knowing that I'm right here all the time, sharing our kids with her, while he's left to believe her long distance assurances that she really loves him. Kind of pathetic actually. I haven't ever really felt sorry for OM, but it must be misery for him! Ha!
Before I knew about OM, my W was manipulating me in a very ugly way to get all her needs met, so I sadly know what she's capable of. After I found out, I shut down from her almost entirely. Coparenting our three little kids together made it impossible for me to go completely dark, but I was almost there. She just kicked into independent mode, believing that she was fine taking care of herself until she and OM could be together in some future bliss. She acted aloof from me, as though she was queen of the world. Her emotions started oscillating wildly last spring, and I knew her fantasy was starting to fall apart. That's when I saw my chance, and I started to offer little bits of myself to her. A little conversation here, a compliment there, always happy, always smiling and joking around with her. I was trying to rebuild her attraction to me, so it's not like my actions have been completely without purpose. The problem was that I was getting myself emotionally tangled in, and my detachment was faltering, and that's when my message started to become unclear.
Last year when she was manipulating me my gut told me something was not right. She was acting so sure of herself, and she would be cold to me one minute and warm the next. Now she's acting very unsure of herself, and I can read her well enough to know she's truly conflicted now. Still, I am trying to keep my distance and be cautious. What she says when I get back from my trip will be important. If she says she ended it with OM, I will be insisting she do what I need to give me the assurance I need, as in transparency.
Thank you for taking time to help me and give support.
