Really wanting HELP!

[Gardener]

D1978,
Just caught up on your thread. You are a brave, and sincererly good woman to be here, to be back here and to be so honest.

Like undrdg, I wish my wife would want so much to come back and rebuild like you.

My sitch doesn't involve an affair (though I've had my paranoid, unfounded suspicions over the months) so I don't know what advice to give you. But I did wonder about this:

Here are his exact words:

There's nothing that can be said or done that's going to change how I
feel or what my perspectives are.

If you got the chance what if you asked and he said the same thing again and you replied "I understand and I certainly appreciate your feelings on this. But if - if - there was something that could be said, what would it sound like if there were such words? What would they have to say, what tone would they have to strike for you to even listen to them? Hear them?

If there were something that I could do to change your perspective, what would it possibly look like? What would it need to contain - to consist of - to touch you, to reach you, truly reach you? Please dig deep. Humor me, just pretend with me here."

I know I'm rambling and I'm not suggesting pleading or begging, or playing games, just trying to keep him engaged, get him to think, put him in the driver's seat so to speak, and get him to feel the depth of your sincerity.

Because I'll bet that

> There's nothing that can be said or done that's going to change how I
> feel or what my perspectives are.

isn't true. Deep down.

My (long) $.02.