I woke up at 3 right before H came home. He came to bed and I rolled over to greet him but he closed his eyes. I rolled over and said hello, he said hi and put his arms around me. I asked how his night was, he said fun, he asked about mine and i said fine. I had a tone in my voice and he asked if something was wrong. I said that I turned to greet him and thought he was ignoring me. he said that that wasn't the case. (he probably just couldn't see that i was awake.) So then he took his arms off and i said to come back. He said, "you want me to?" and i said, yes and asked if he felt shunned. he said yes. i didn't apologize or anything, just let it go, then he turned over and went to sleep. (Obviously I was displacing my anxieties and turned it into something else. Better something small & stupid, than something large like, "did you have more fun w/o me? did you scam on other girls??, etc. etc.) Baby steps. I just wish I felt more comfortable.
I laid awake for the next 2-2 1/2 hours. I feel so scared about him going out w/the guys and i am hoping that once we get along better for a longer period of time, he won't feel the need to do it so often. Will that happen???
We woke up, and he had to go to work at 9. It was a little after 8, so I didn't think he would initiate, but he did!!! btw, I asked him if he had fun again-i was trying to act like i didn't remember our convo in the middle of the night. He looked at me, i knew he had to fly, he said thanks for the quickie and i said "see-ya'" real cheerfully.
So as he was finishing getting dressed he told me his friend and wife may come up tonight to go see the band tonight. I said that was cool. (I would like for us to have some couples to do stuff with.) Hugged and kissed good-bye. trying not to expect ILY, but i wish...
