Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[antlers]

I don't doubt that GIMA, it's just that...it's hard to choke it down that 'this' is the woman I married and she really has and is doing the stuff that she has/is!

She ISN'T. And you aren't the man she M'd either. You both change, but she has changed in a much different way apparently.

I've been married for a long time, and I've been out of the game for a long time.

You aren't DEAD, man. You have a lot to offer.

So, finding somebody else helps you to let go of your spouse?

Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. I think finding YOURSELF will allow you to get past where you are right now. When you have gotten yourself better mentally, emotionally, then you will be "over" your W. B/c you will understand that you may want your W, but you don't NEED her. Flirting and all those other things to boost your self confidence are designed to help you understand how strong you are and how you are both capable and deserving of a great R.

I'm sure it feels good, it's just hard to get out there and find it, even if it is there for the taking. Memories, feelings, emotions (especially negative and painful ones), regret, remorse, etc....they are hard to deal with and get over.

Water under the bridge. You cannot change the past. Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past. So, forgive yourself.

I've made many positive changes, and I get compliments daily for them, especially at work. She has changed too...but dang! I never knew she had the ability to be so cold, hard, and mean!

I know I have a lot to offer, and I'm very much alive. It's just been a long time...it's kinda foreign to me. I was very monogomous, in every way (thoughts, feelings, etc.)

I was doing really good for months, both mentally and emotionally...I just got hammered again when she told me about the divorce and some other things. That's the way I feel now...I know that I don't need her, I just want her. I'd like to feel more confident right now, along with feeling strong and capable and deserving of a great relationship.

I've read that the past only serves to help us learn to make the present and the future more fruitful. I have forgiven myself to a huge degree. I like the quote, but can you explain it a little? Does it mean that in order to accept and deal with the past...you must forgive it (the past)?