Hi all- It's been quite some time since I posted. Overall I've been much better across the past month, very focused on GAL, friends, going out, saying 'yes' to most all invitations, very busy w work and travel, etc. Even went on a date a few times (even though don't think it's going anywhere). H had been out of country most of past 3+ months, and staying in CA with friends before starting his job back east here (tomorrow!)
We has called me a few times past couple weeks...I don't initiate anything. First couple calls I did not answer, then spoke about 10 days ago and probably had one of the most decent/civil conversations we've had in awhile. Just chatted/caught up, light conversation...he kept asking me "what my deal was" though. That's the only time I got a little snippy...he said "oh I feel bad leaving you with all the furniture.." B.S.! That's b/c he has his new empty apt to furnish and wants some... I bought all of our furniture anyway.
Anyways, he is back in town and texted me yesterday asking if he could come by to get some curtains. Those are his and I'm fine w it, but to be honest I don't think that's really why he wants to come by. I think he probably wants to have the 'talk' again about signing papers and getting on with this, or at least survey our apt and see if he can ask me for a few things (some stuff is rightly his and he said he would like to come following weekend to get his dresser, rest of clothes, etc).
I guess my question is this, if we end up talking and he asks me if i've been dating and such, do I tell him? Part of me thinks it's none of his business, but I don't want to get in a fight over it. No I am not seeing anyone (and he's certainly been w women during our separation), but I have had couple casual dates w one guy across the past month, and am now finally more open about going out w other people, after close to 1 year of separation and he consistently telling me marriage is over.
I haven't gotten lawyer but do have names of 2 good people locally. All of our stuff is separate but I know I have more to lose if we D, if he comes after me for stuff/$ (even though he was one that walked out).
I want to be cordial and civil and friendly (and even though I'm so much stronger than I was months ago, I'm a little afraid of a roller coaster of emotions and losing it again, mourning that this really is ending). I've been so much better about moving on lately, but still have a false sense of comfort in the fact that we are still legally married...the paper signing and making it final is going to be very hard. And still I would be very happy to have the chance to give this another shot, I'm certain he still is done (and there are moments when i don't feel like I like the person he's become either...it's the nostalgia and memories - 12 years together - that's hard to let go of).
So how much do I reveal to him - if he asks - about dating? Just be friendly/civil/upbeat? (that's how I was during our last exchange, genuinely so, and it ended up being a pretty positive one). What if he keeps pressing for stuff/furniture? I decided to renew my lease and stay here for the time being, which I know annoys him..he wants me to move cities so it's easier for him, I'm sure. I have a few friends here and have tried to make a life for myself here for the time being, but know I will not stay here long-term.
Love your thoughts. Hope all is well... this is such a crazy long ride. -hhh
