Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

Update:
Our date never happened. We took D14 to Red Lobster for dinner Friday night and H was distant and didn't look very comfortable..kept yawning. I acted "as if" and stayed upbeat. When we got home H asked me to tell him what our date was going to be..he wasn't sure he felt up to going out as he felt like he was getting sick.

I asked H to guess what the date was and he guessed a comedy club(this is where he and OW went on one of their early dates) and I told him he guessed wrong and told him about the laser/music show at the University. H was impressed and surprised and thought it sounded cool.

We didn't go, b/c H felt like he was getting sick. I did have a private meltdown( and H never knew) as I was extremely disappointed that in the last 3 weeks, things have come up or excuses made so that we have had a total of ZERO dates and were supposed to have one a week.

I'm wondering if H is going through withdrawal. H doesn't want to get out of bed in the morning(usually he was first out of bed)and says he feels like just staying in bed all day. He's been leaving for work without saying goodbye to the girls. He just left for his 4 day business trip this morning and didn't see D14 since Saturday morning and never popped in her room to say goodbye. He seems to be "internalized" alot.

I have to say, I'm looking forward to a few days away from H. Feel a bit of freedom from is moods/depression. Have planned a fun day with the girls going to a pumpkin patch(and taking lots of pictures) and shopping/lunch.

Lately I've imagined my life divorced from H and I know I'd be OK. I think I've started to imagine this b/c living with a depressed person is difficult and since H seems to be withdrawing my insecurities are very apparent to me. The worry he's withdrawing b/c he's planning to leave again is my fear I'm trying to squelch. So far, so good. I'm not doing my usual-clinging. In fact I feel like I'm detaching emotionally more frequently and that feels like a big improvement for me.