I can only imagine how difficult things have been for you since you found out about your husband's "unfaithful acts"! However, I can see your renewed connection with God has really helped you, and you never want to lose that connection again!
You have wisely figured out that you can't change another person directly but by changing yourself, your husband may notice your changes and respond and interact very differently with you. It seems you are doing a really good job in that area with how you are feeling better and how your husband is noticing your changes. I don't know what things you are doing, but in general, when our spouses or partners respond positively to what we are doing it is usually a good indication to continue doing what we have been doing. This means do not stop doing what is working.
It is normal and good to ask yourself if your husband's changes will last with all you have gone through. You asked if you can ever believe what your husband says of does in the future or if you can ever forgive your husband for what he has done. Yes, this is possible, but it will take time to figure this out. It may be helpful for you to figure out (maybe with the help of a trusted friend, religious leader or a DB coach) what concrete behavioral signs will tell you you can believe what your husband says or does. For example, if your husband arrives home at regular hours or if he calls to say he will be home at 5:00pm and does arrive then. In other words, do his words match his actions. Also, it will help you to figure out how long (months, years) his positive changes would need to go on for you to believe these changes are here for good. Of course, it will really help things if your husband is willing to do whatever it takes to win your trust back.
Continue doing what keeps you happy and strong! Keep your ears and eyes open to the small signs that tell you things are continuing to get better for you, your children and in your marriage.
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. For without it, you have this "cloud over your head". But it takes time to figure out when to give yourself this gift. Hopefully, reading Michele's information on this Forum on "Forgiveness" will help you.
Hope this information in some way helps you.
Joann Sallmann, DB Coach
Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with Joann - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
