Newbie.....dealing with a MLC'er....

[Amy40]

Amy,

First of all, its my faith in God that has allowed me to be strong during these times. There have been some days where I felt like my world was collapsing.

I am glad to read that. THAT I will buy, because faith CAN sustain you through this trial. Without knowing that, I was pretty much waiting for the breakdown. If HE is your strength and you keep your eyes on Him, then that may never happen. I am more confident now in your state of mind.

Luckily, I have an awesome son and great friends and family to help. Plus, when I was lurking around this board, I saw others were dealing with the same things I was going through. So, I realized I wasn't alone.

I was able to use that information for my benefit. So far, all that information has been extremely valuable.

Once I joined, I believe I was further along than others that have come to this board. I do have questions just like others do. But, I have finally come to the realization that this is something she has to deal with on her own.

Very good. Many people that come here do not have much of a support system in place at home. Thus, this board is IT. And while that is a blessing, it can also be a curse - because we come here and post virtually 24/7 - that isn't healthy. You seem to be someone who knows how to strike a good balance in life. That is rare.

Finally, I am glad that you (Amy) have continued to offer me valuable information and advice. For that I am grateful. Thanks. I am glad to have offered something that has been helpful to you.

While she deals with her issues, I will improve myself and make sure that I am the best father and dad for my little boy. That is a wise & admirable decision.

I have to go. Time to play hide n seek with the little one.......

That's awesome!

[drewnole]

Had a wonderful day today. Visited the home a second time. Going back tomorrow to meet with the realtor to go over some details. Also, went downtown to spend the afternoon with my son. Had a blast.

Concerning my WAS, she did not show up today to pick up our son. That's two weeks in a row.

Here's the funny part. She sends me a text 30 minutes ago saying she will pick up our son tomorrow. Plus, she says she will be picking him up between 11-12 noon.

What is it with these MLC'ers and their control issues?

I guess its ok not to show up today. No phone call, text, or email saying I can't make it.

I love how she gives me a time range of when she will pick him up. Ok, honey. I will sit here and wait for you. I don't think so.

Too bad I will send her a text tomorrow morning telling her she is not allowed to take him since she blew of our son today.

From reading other situations on this board, I am expecting her control issues to get worse.

Is there anything else I should be worrying about besides control issues with my MLC'er? What behaviors do most MLC'ers have in common?

[Twink]

Here's the funny part. She sends me a text 30 minutes ago saying she will pick up our son tomorrow. Plus, she says she will be picking him up between 11-12 noon.

What is it with these MLC'ers and their control issues?

I guess its ok not to show up today. No phone call, text, or email saying I can't make it.

I love how she gives me a time range of when she will pick him up. Ok, honey. I will sit here and wait for you. I don't think so.

Too bad I will send her a text tomorrow morning telling her she is not allowed to take him since she blew of our son today.

Drew, I agree with everyone else that you seem to be doing very well considering where you are in this, but I do not agree with this. If you can reasonably let your W take your S tomorrow, I think you should do so. She may be unreliable, self-centered, controlling -- it comes with the territory -- but please don't use your son as a pawn. He needs to see his mother, regardless of how po'ed you are about how irresponsible she is. Take the high road.

[drewnole]

Twink,

I understand your point. I am definitely considering allowing him to go for a few hours.

The issue I have is that I need to protect my son. I feel like I have bent over backwards in accomodating her requests in the past. On more than one occassion, she has failed to pick him up, tried to weasle out of picking him up, or shown up more than 30 minutes late.

There is no worse feeling than packing my son's bag and not having her show up. My son knows that when I pack his bag, its time to visit his mother. She's played with his emotions on far too many occassions.

Is it fair to my son that she only wants to be a mom for 12 hours a week at the most? I know that if the roles were reversed, I would be considered another deadbeat dad.

Looking back, I believe that I enabled some of her behavior. I have gone 6 months without any financial help from her. I have missed days from work to help care for my son when he is ill. Plus, we have visited the doctor 4 times in the past 7 months for various reasons. Since I am his father, those are my responsibilities and I will never shy away from them.

At what point does one say enough is enough. I know she is not the person she was. I do not want to cause her anymore pain than she already is in.
I just want her to know that we are doing fine and we care about her deeply.

Yet, look at all the turmoil she has caused me, our son, and my family. But, I feel like I am shielding her from the consequences.

[Amy40]

I would tell her she needs to plan ahead if she can not stick to the prearranged schedule.
She should not think she can call/text at her whim and TELL you she is picking up your son.

I wouldn't let him go tomorrow.
Let her visit with him at your parent's house if she wants to see him.

You still have no idea what she does with him or where she takes him.

In my opinion she owes you some answers before she is allowed to take the boy anywhere - especially since she blew him off on Saturday.

[kjensen]

I third that. Loving you little boy and being the best Dad(and man) you can be will serve you well!

[drewnole]

Today I write this with mixed emotions. First of all, visited the home for a third time today. I decided to make an offer. We will review tomorrow just to be sure. If all is well, it will be sent to the listing agent. Hopefully, the seller will accept and we can get the ball rolling.

The next part is difficult. I was made aware today that my MLC'er and OM decided to quit their jobs this past week. No notice at all. Just walked into HR and quit within a hour of each other. Reminds me of Romeo and Juliet.

So, looks like my MLC'er will be hitting rock bottom a lot sooner than I thought. A whole lot sooner. Her rent and car payment are due in the next two weeks and she has no job.
She gave up a decent paying job with seniority for the OM. They are still in town from what I understand. But, they don't have jobs. In this economy and when your living paycheck to paycheck, that's not good.

I am getting myself mentally prepared for what is about to occur.
I will appreciate any advice that anyone may have.

[Virtually_Handsome]

I don't know what you need to do mentally, but you need to do something to make sure that you are not responsible for the debt she is getting ready to run up. I don't know what the "rules" are where you live. Here, debt acquired while you are married is community debt. Each is responsible for half, no matter where it comes from. So, I think at the very least, you need to go have a talk with an attorney.

I'm tempted to say that when she calls, you let it go to coice mail. I'm not sure talking to her is going to be a really good plan.

[sleeper]

I will appreciate any advice that anyone may have.

Re: missing visitation with your son/expecting you to accomodate. You must be the adult in the is sitch but find a way to not come ascross as the parent (hers). Telling her you did this so you can't do that sounds like a parent. This will trigger resistance or worse on her part. Hold your ground and do what you think is best but find a gracious way to do it.

Protect yourself financially. If she runs out of money she may attempt to gain custody if only to get funds (child support) from you. Document, document, document things like her missing visitation, etc.

Don't let that kind forgiving part of you interfere with what you know is best for you and your son.

[Amy40]

Today I write this with mixed emotions. First of all, visited the home for a third time today. I decided to make an offer. We will review tomorrow just to be sure. If all is well, it will be sent to the listing agent. Hopefully, the seller will accept and we can get the ball rolling. Congrats and good luck on the house!

The next part is difficult. I was made aware today that my MLC'er and OM decided to quit their jobs this past week. No notice at all. Just walked into HR and quit within a hour of each other. Reminds me of Romeo and Juliet.

So, looks like my MLC'er will be hitting rock bottom a lot sooner than I thought. A whole lot sooner Don't bet on that. A MLCer can slink around what most would consider 'rock bottom' indefinitely. . Her rent and car payment are due in the next two weeks and she has no job. She gave up a decent paying job with seniority for the OM. They are still in town from what I understand. But, they don't have jobs. In this economy and when your living paycheck to paycheck, that's not good.

I am getting myself mentally prepared for what is about to occur What exactly do you think is going to occur other than you not getting child support? .

I will appreciate any advice that anyone may have I don't have any. Except to keep doing what you've been doing. Moving on. And you need to do whatever is necessary to ensure that you get custody of your son. Hang in there.