I don't see the point in bashing you, sweetie, b/c you are beating yourself up as it is. You backslid and you see it, so just take a breath and learn from it. It is easy to do when it concerns the kids.
IMHO, going "dark" when there is an ih-house separation seems to defeat the purpose. I think that that particular technique needs to be done when the S is out of the house or it simply makes you look like you are angry and sulled for a few days. I think that is how your W would interpret it and your children. They don't know about technique and only read actions. I would however, exercise detachment and make sure I had plenty of things to do that kept me occupied.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
