UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

Sanderika,
It's great that you managed to pop back and I appreciate it so much - I do understand how tired you must be and how everyone's sitch takes a toll on the rest of us. You are so busy helping people here it's a wonder you have any time for yourself! Do take care (((Sanderika))).

I agree with all that you said about my sitch at this time. Unfortunately, H did take more furniture when he was here last weekend but he did say that I could get it back, in time. I told him that it now held too many bad memories and that I would not be able to accept his offer - unless he came with it (was under my breath)!!

I haven't heard from him so far this weekend (its now Sunday, almost lunch time) and so I don't know if he's home and tired or did go interstate after all.

I called him on leaving for an ow and he remains ADAMANT that he did not. He said that things may have been different if I had stayed and not 'ran away' to the UK. I don't think that they would have, however. He really does believe that he was done with our M before he agreed to meet ow (remember, this was an EA before he had ever met the tramp).

Still, I have been out there and doing stuff for myself this weekend. I have made some great efforts, which H noticed, in the garden and it has encouraged me to keep that going. I shopped yesterday, which was really good as to have some money for myself at long last was a bonus. I bought wine and beers, which I haven't treated myself to for a long time! I even went browsing to upgrade my GPS, thinking that I may give my old one to H if I do get it. Part of me thinks that would be a nice thing to do whilst another part of me says that he doesn't deserve it when he's arguing with me over $2.50!!

Feeling a bit lonely again today - strange as I haven't really felt it in two weeks. Guess that, subconciously, I was waiting on H to contact me and now that he has not, I am pining. I must fill the rest of my day.

The weather is breaking here and it's been really hot. It's good to see people out and about but it does hammer it home all the more that I am on my own ... no GAL friends, no family.

When I am wandering sometimes, I find myself voicing to the Universe "Is this is? Is this all that's left for me for the rest of my days"? I make a cup of tea and then wonder what the next dirty trick H has up his sleeve to confront me with. I'm not over thinking that he will be here some time this week with the valuers but that hurts me less now ... I can manage that one quite well, knowing that he can do nothing about marketing the house until I am in agreement.

After a good last meeting, the see-saw continues to confuse me - nasty, nice; nasty, nice .... I just don't know how to respond any more and so just try to keep my wits about me and honor the positives. What else can I do??