Hi, I decided to move over here b/c I wasn't getting enough action in For Newcomers.
This is what I wrote on 9-23: (summary) Sitch:My husband & I got married after dating for a year and a half. We have now been married for 2 years and 3 months. I enjoy being active and doing outdoor stuff (except weeding the garden!)
My concern is getting along with my husband and my inability to do so. I get very jealous, insecure, dependent, and needy. I am very affectionate and like to spend time with H. I have gotten into many many accusations against him claiming that he doens't care about me, or by getting jealous over him talking to old female friends. (Even made scenes in public!)
Initially, he reassured me, but got tire of it, b/c I would continue to get upset. Eventually he backed off more and more. Then we would start the uphill swing and I would crash, causing up to take steps back. Then we'd have to rebuild again, and again, and again.
We still spend time together, but he no longer tells me that he loves or cares about me. His time and energy seem to be more spent with his friends and hobbies and bicycling. Then w/me, I get to watch tv with him... ooh aaah. I am trying to be more positive around him, "act as if," and be accepting of him. I know I must be patient as far as not expecting many emotions from him. Sometimes, the walls will start to come down, and he'll be more open with me. Other times, I feel like he just wants me to leave him alone. He says he is still willing to try, but he wants to feel like we are getting somewhere. I feel the same. He can't deal with my incessant crying (I know-who could?) He used to be sweet and tell me that he misses me and leave me messages, and give me beautiful cards on holidays. Now, I am lucky if I receive a compliment.
Now I feel like the more he can be away from me, the better. I feel so hurt at times, that I can't help but cry. I can't handle these feelings of rejection. I know-what I fear-I have created. I just don't seem to have the strength to take care of myself. I want emotional support. However, I feel like I cannot ask for anything anymore. It's like the one person I want to be with the most, I can't be with. (emotionally) I'm sure it will take time, but I just get so impatient. I just want him to tell me that he cares, or that he does want to be with me, but he doesn't.
I have tried some d-b techniques, which have helped. However, I can't seem to stay on the wagon. This week he told me he has plans from Tuesday through Saturday and made no mention of when we would be able to squeeze in any time or plan a special day. I feel dissapointed. He actually acted like he didn't care if we spent that much time apart. I keep learning more and more of how he DOESN'T feel about me. I have nothing positive to go on other than the fact that he is still here. Thanks for reading.
