You talk to her as if she doesn't already know all of this! Honestly, do you think you are educating her?
Didi, for what it's worth....I agree with you about not telling your H. Nobody knows him as well as you do, and if you are protecting him from farther pain, then I see no reason to put him through that. I personally do not see any good that would come from informing him that OM tried to contact you and it sure could make matters worse. As long as you do not see it as a "cover up" in case you might change your mind toward OM (know what I mean). However, I think that you need to delete all messages from your computer. Wipe OM out once and for all. I know how some will see this, but I think you know where I'm coming from. As long as you can go into that email and read what OM sent you.....it will be a source of temptation.
I know what you mean by the invading thoughts, but it does not make you a bad person simply b/c some thought of him pops up in your mind. We don't have control over dreams, and we don't have control over things that pop into our mind....but it is what we choose to do with it once it enters into our mind. Will we mull it over and allow it to expand or will we dismiss it and delibertly find something else to fill our thoughts. You have said that that is what you do.
Do you feel that you made the right decision, but have not had much encouragement to stay in the R that you chose? Your H is not the only one who suffered throughout those 10 years, and he has not been the only one to suffer as a result of the A. Maybe some people have it in their head that a WAW never hurts, but that is b/c they don't know everything. Won't get into all of that, but you know what I'm talking about. I'm saying however, that you should not feel guilty for wanting to have a better sex life with your H than you do...and to "accept" it as your punishment or consequense don't cut the mustard. He almost lost you once and I would think that if he would want to have a better MR and therefore agree to go to MC. But, if a man don't want to go....we usually can't make them. However, you can go for yourself. I hope you will. You did the right thing by staying in your M, and you have been working at it....so you deserve to have a happy R. I hope you can find the "right" counselor that can help both of you.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
