Thought I was over this

[C-Bart]

Some time away has been good. Talked with W this morning and she sounds good. Said she was reading the book I gave her, LL of Children, and found it very interesting. I tried to get off the phone with her several times and she kept it strung out. When we finally got done talking she said the kids really missed me with a little space. Almost like she wanted to say she did too.

Think I'll re-engage her on Friday when I'm back in town. Maybe ask her out for coffee or something quick before she goes to work. Slow is key here. We have some time as both of our attorneys are pushing to move the court date back to Jan or Feb.

[C-Bart]

Just realized that I have a go between in my SIL. She has been reaching out to me lately.

I remember reading about go betweens but not much of the context. Anyone got any advice?

[Coach]

Just realized that I have a go between in my SIL. She has been reaching out to me lately.

I remember reading about go betweens but not much of the context. Anyone got any advice?

it's not advisable. it's pressure. it's not their business or responsiblity.

They can speak for themselves but not you. You will take care of your own business. A strong, confident man doesn't need someone else to do their job.

[C-Bart]

Maybe I said it wrong. SIL I know reports back to W so its an opportunity to show that I'm doing great.

That being said I get your point Coach. I struggle with confidence and strength. You could say I'm the quintessential Nice Guy.

[C-Bart]

Really down today. I had a great trip and now back home and feeling the effect of trying not to have contact with W.

Miscellaneous ramblings:

I think I'm the only person on this forum who's W really is better off without them. She seems happy and carefree. She is in control and that makes her happy. She calls whenever she needs something or if she wants to give me directions about the kids. If I appear to be happy she is quick to dismiss me and to get off the phone or change the subject. She always has her guard up as to not say anything that may appear to give me hope. She loves to tell me about any conversation she has with other men.

I'm alone and miserable even though I'm surrounded by my kids. In other words feeling like my old self. None of the changes I make seem to stick. I have no desire to do anything. I'm sinking into a deep depression.

I really feel like running away from all of this. The house, the kids, the bills, the job. Moving somewhere to pursue my passion (if I had one).

This has been going on way to long. I should be over her by now.

[Gardener]

C-Bart,Sorry you were down and lonely yesterday and sorry I missed it or I would have chimed in earlier.

I think I'm the only person on this forum who's W really is better off without them.

You're not. It feels that way at times - to me, too - but they're not.

She seems happy and carefree. She is in control and that makes her happy. She calls whenever she needs something or if she wants to give me directions about the kids. If I appear to be happy she is quick to dismiss me and to get off the phone or change the subject. She always has her guard up as to not say anything that may appear to give me hope.

Believe none of what you hear and only 50% of what you see.

I'm alone and miserable even though I'm surrounded by my kids. In other words feeling like my old self. None of the changes I make seem to stick. I have no desire to do anything. I'm sinking into a deep depression.

When I'm feeling alone and miserable, I try -not often successfully - to tell myself that I'm not alone, I'm not miserable. I'm just understandably feeling that way. Today. Shake it off. DO something. Anything. Move. Get your body outside and moving!

If you really feel that you're sinking into a deep depression, call your doctor. Immediately. Be honest and get an appointment.

I really feel like running away from all of this. The house, the kids, the bills, the job. Moving somewhere to pursue my passion (if I had one).

Good! You're human. You're normal.

This has been going on way to long. I should be over her by now.

Who's to say? We're over it when we're over it. A few days ago - this is now 11 months post-Bomb, 10 months since she moved out, mind you - and I am walking through my house thinking about-What else? - the topic that has dominated my waking thoughts for the better part of a year - and I suddenly hear myself saying out loud, loudly, "I can't f&*^ing believe she did this!"
C-Bart, I'd like to be able to say I should be over this by now, that I am over it now. But I'm (clearly) not.

I'll be over it when I'm over it.
So will you. Allow yourself that.

[C-Bart]

Thanks Gardener. Yesterday was just one of those days. I got up this morning in a much better place. I was getting ready to go to church and having a good day and out of the blue Mrs. Bart calls just to say hello and to tell me a funny story that happened at work. She still has the ability to cheer me up which scares me.

I'm really not sure that yesterday was related to her at all. I think there are things that I need to deal with on a personal level. They've been there a long time. Maybe I'm just getting down to that level. That's good, I guess. Means I'm getting past the R pain and can concentrate intensely on my issues. IC meeting on Thursday should be interesting.

[C-Bart]

Well I'm a little suspicious now. W has been extremely friendly scene my return from my latest business trip. Going out of her way to make contact. For example she called yesterday morning but I was out. Called again later in the afternoon and emphasized the fact that she called earlier. Even said she just wanted me to know she tried to reach me earlier. Asked if she could come over and help out with the kids and was very, very thankful when I agreed.

Time with the kids went perfectly, aside from the usual homework battles. However, W and I were very much in control of ourselves. Good progress.

W called again this morning wanting to take Kids to school. Turned her down and she sounded rather dejected.

So I've been very clear with her that I didn't want to be friends. I thought she got that and was respecting my boundary. What is going on? Is she using the kids as an excuse for contacting me? Is she cake eating, having her family, and freedom to pursue a future relationship with another man? Is she really trying to find a way of making this work?

Nothing has change from a D case perspective. Date was suppose to move back till after the first of the year but hasn't yet.

[Dia]

Remember, conflicted people will act conflicted - hot one day and cold the next. You stay your course. Don't let her flip-flops make you flip-flop.

As for the depression - Ugh! Sorry to hear it, man.

[C-Bart]

Seems like she's trying to pull me back into her world under her control. I will continue to be nice to her while remaining detached.

I'm a little conflicted as to what her goal is and I'm both tempted and scared to ask. I feel like my boundary of not being her friend is being squashed. Not sure if this is an unrealistic boundary or if giving her the leeway of open communication advantageous at this point.

Should I challenge her on this new found interest in my life or is this temperature taking?

BTY I'm working on an online course from NMMNG. Kind of mind blowing stuff for me. Seems to help me stay on track with my own personal development.