H is gone...supposedly to GA to see his sister. The first day he had to stop somewhere in NC because he was too tired. Ended up staying 2 nights because of some stomach bug, at least that was the story he cooked up for me.
Part of me wants to know if he is with her and part of me doesn't.
I cry almost everyday. I have been obsessing on whether he's with her and I have to stop.
Sometimes I am just so tired. Not much seems worth it anymore. I do my best to stay strong for my S. If I didn't have him I wouldn't have anything.
I'm so twisted inside. I keep asking myself what I really want and why I'm so scared to lose my M.
Ashlee,
You have a decision to make. And I don't want to sound cold, but here it goes. You can either stay where you are, mired in the emotions that no one blames you for having or you can pick yourself up, bruises and all, dust yourself off, and decide right now to stop focusing on anything except you and your S.
Your H may or may not come to his senses. Regardless of what he chooses to do, you must become reliant on yourself for your happiness. If you allow your happiness to depend upon your H's moods and actions, you will not be emotionally healthy. If you are not emotionally healthy, you will not be able to maintain a happy, healthy R with anyone.
I know you are hurting and I know your world has been turned upside down. But the time has come for you to take back control over your life.
