Oh yes, I have one. I've posted my sitch earlier. H wants legal sep and will then only go to MC with me. "In case we get divorced" he wants the alimony to officially stop as of the day he moved out. If I don't agree to a legal sep, he'll file for D. If I agree to a legal sep, he agrees to go to MC for five months and this is writen into the legal sep agreement.
So, I've been waiting to get the agreement papers from him - he has them and was advised to go over them with me. I have no idea if I should do this first before showing them to my L, or just take them and only talk to my L. Obviously, I wouldn't sign anything without giving them to my L first.
My father suggested that even if I nod my head "in understanding" at anything H says about agreement, it could be argued as "agreeing" so I shouldn't talk to him at all. I just don't know.
So H called me this morning, earlier than usual. When I call him for the schedule, he often avoids me - but I have been sticking to my no call strategy, and he chomped at the bit this morning to plan time with S. I kept very detached, upbeat. I didn't try to negotiate with him (180). I simply told him what my plans were with S and told H he could meet us (pumpkin patch then bday party). H tagged along.
I kept aloof and doing my own thing. Didn't try to talk to him or avoid him. When H talked to me I was upbeat and light. H left after three hours. I did ask what the plan was for tomorrow and got "Stop bugging me" again.
I let him go.
I texted him only to say that this thing where he doesn't tell me ahead of time when he wants to visit S and then says I'm bugging him when I need to know so I can make my own schedule doesn't work for me. I did a KISS!
So he actually 1)apologized like four times for being snappy with me and for not having a schedule ahead of time 2) agreed to work out a communal schedule in writing to avoid vagueness, and 3) to talk about this in therapy.
This is first time he has mentioned talking about anything in therapy. This is a big sign. He seems to be actually sticking to his plan to attend MC with me to work things out.
I'm proud of myself for staying detached and standing up for myself in a brief, to the point way. I'm proud at the positive response I got from H. They are new babysteps.
