Ok I have located a copy of Divorce Remedy at a library in a town about half an hour away and I will go pick it up when it opens late this afternoon. Thanks for the replies. Smileysperson I was so happy to get some feedback.I will study what you have said and work out some answers and replies as I can.Since the family have gone out for a while I am going to switch off from db for a while and enjoy the quiet.Then read some of the book later and come back here for a bit. My first response on reading the message above is if I am going to work on myself- my health,my confidence,and also find out what I want to battle over and what is not important.I have made attempts in the past and I guess I gave up if I didnt get a result straightaway, if an obsticle came up or if I was met with opposition.I haven't really thought about it.I must have shifted my focus on fixing him-us rather than me becasue it was easier and felt like keeping the peace.The funny thing is the neediness and other things that annoy him were enabled by him and still are when it suits him.His background is Iran/Iraq parents and mine were traditional so when I tried to be independent I was told not to.I was brought up to be a housewife and was slowly led to believe that I couldnt do anything right. I dont have a say in finance or rules with the kids etc and attempts to discuss never ends well.Even when I have met my cousin for a coffee he was sending me messages and calling and i got a lecture about how he was ready to phone the police because it was 5:30 pm and I had left at 3:30! Also I had to bring home dinner on the way LOL Sometimes it was just easier to give in to the can'ts. I have been critised and controlled all my life. But now it is not easier either way. The 180 of pulling back is hard because I have handed all of my self-esteem over to him and he can decide that if I do something i do bothers him that he can give me a little push and i'll cave. But I wil be 40 in a few months and I dont think I will just wake up magically with that assuredness everyone talks about.Its up to me.
